You were THERE and Now you are HERE

Tis the eve of Canadian Thanksgiving and the pumpkin soup is made...

2011-10-09T23:30:00.000-07:00

For a couple of reasons, Troy and the kids arrived at church and had to turn around and go home. When I came home from church, Ethan explained to me that they were at church, but then had to come home. I acknowledged the schedule change and said to him, "ms. Jen sent you a big hug and for you to know that Jesus loves you."
Ethan responded, "I don't love Jesus. I love hockey and basketball."
I never thought I would have a kid who played hockey, but when in Canada, be like the Canadians, eh? Ethan asked if he could learn how to play hockey. Lessons...they start young here.
Tomorrow is Canadian Thanksgiving and because we can't get together with our Canadian Aunties, I'm cooking a Thanksgiving meal. A crock pot turkey breast...yup, I'm making it in the crockpot. Pumpkin soup with pesto recipe from Sunset Magazine (a great food-travel-Pacific northwest, west coast magazine), dressing, Senator Russell Sweet Potatoes, Ransdell traditional "green stuff" (it comes with a recipe, thank goodness). Our neighbour is coming over with cranberries and pumpkin pie. Way too much food for three adults and three kids.
I don't think there will be enough football to balance out the food. That is downside of Canadian thanksgiving...not enough football.
Happy Thanksgiving Canada!

Crock pots

2011-10-04T22:49:00.000-07:00

Most of my seminary classmates were first career, which is unusual as most ministers entering ministry these days are second career. The second career students, mainly the women, often passed crock pot recipes to each other. I didn't understand the wonders of the crock pot. I had no idea how the looming dinner hour could weigh so heavily on your mind during the day. And what a relief it is to walk in at 5:30 pm with dinner ready and hot and able to fill the tummies of three little people who have lost emotional stability because they are hungry and growing tired.
So here's to crock pots, cream of mushroom soup, garlic, onion and vegetables.

Day 2 ... Back to the blog

2011-10-03T22:12:00.000-07:00

It's 5 minutes until 10 pm and I'm keeping to my writing commitment. Ethan attends preschool 5 mornings a week at Coastal Church, two blocks from our condo. Coastal church is a non-denominational church that began as a start-up. They bought and renovated the first church, Scientist, historical building. I have not seen the sanctuary, but the school level is really warm and comfortable. The churches branding is very similar to Ed young's fellowship in grapevine.
I'm thrilled Ethan is in this preschool. There is a shortage of preschool spots in downtown. I'm glad he is in a faith-based school and today melted my heart. As we walked the two blocks home, Ethan stopped on the sidewalk and sang a new song he learned: "my God is big and mighty and there is nothing my God cannot do."
I want to find the words to describe this experience of seeing my son gain language for his faith. I wonder what he wonders as he tries to understand who this God is. Quite fascinating.
On another note, I found myself today thinking about this being the start of our third year in Canada. I began thinking of the friends, colleagues and confidants in Texas....and I found myself giving thanks for their presence in this world, for the work that they do everyday and for the opportunity I had to have my path cross with theirs. The grief is a little less painful as I am beginning to see glimpses into this next chapter of my life.

Back to the blog

2011-10-02T22:48:00.000-07:00

My oldest brother is bicycling across the united states, via a southern route, west coast to east coast. He is keeping a daily blog. I enjoy reading is daily adventures and it gives me great peace of mind to find a new post each night. When he finishes this two month adventure, his blog will allow him to visit this time again.
So that got me thinking about my much neglected blog. Anna and Oliver were maybe 5-months-old when I last posted. I have all the reason in the world why I haven't blogged. There are not enough hours in the day. Babies demand their needs be met...Ethan wants his share of time...and the laundry...and the meal planning...and the dog...and the cleaning...and the clothes-turnover that happens with growing little ones...and, I am now back to work (part-time).
I have no time for blogging. And yet, in 40 years, what i will have, or not have, is the written record of this unique time in life...depending on whether I take the time to remember. And all it takes is just a little each day. An older woman in the grocery store line said to me, "I know what it's like. I had three kids in three years and it was such a blur. I didn't write anything down and now I can't remember much at all. I wish I would have written more."
I have always wanted to write a novel, but perhaps it is not a novel for others, but a novel for me. It will be a novel that I will read a couple of decades from now.
I have time for blogging because I want to read this novel in years to come.
The twins mastered sitting up in March while the four of us were at my parents' house in Texas. Crawling followed shortly after. Oliver first and Anna second. Oliver then moved to standing and balancing. We thought he would be the first to walk. Anna thought differently. Whereas Oliver would pull-upon the furniture and let go and balance, Anna soon pulled up on the furniture, let go and didn't wait to balance. She took her first stumbling, shaky steps. And she did this for sometime and in the month of august, she was a walker. Oliver started walking after her. Today, Anna is very determined to walk, and walk far and away and Oliver is not as ready to walk and stays close by. It will be interesting to see how this unfolds.
Another day, I will comment in their personalities.
Ethan surprised us this evening. He stood on the sofa and pointed to a print hanging on the wall. He said, "Jesus.". Well, it was jesus, a baby Jesus being held by Mary. I asked Troy if he had talked about painting to Ethan and he said no. So I asked Ethan how he knew that it was Jesus. He said, "ms. Jen." (she is the minister with children and families at the church.). I asked him what he had learned about Jesus and he said, "he was a nice man.". The feeling that pours from my heart as I see Ethan learn about his faith is deeper than words...it is a physical feeling of pure joy.
I will sign-off for now...to keep blogging, I need to keep it short because I have no time now to write. A day will come when I have all the time in the world to read. And I want something to read. I want my novel.

Christmas and New Year's 2010

2011-01-09T20:34:00.000-08:00

Here's just a few pictures of our Chester, CA, Christmas and New Year's Adventure with Uncle Doug and Aunt Shelley. We had a great time on the Amtrak train...a new experience to travel by train. We arrived in Sacramento early Wednesday morning before Christmas. Doug and Shelley drove us up the mountain to their home in the snowy woods. Of course, on the way, we had to stop at Target :) . There's more to share about our trip, but for now, know that we went to Christmas Eve service at a tiny Wesleyan Church (Shelley was their substitute pianist for the service). There was a snow fort built, and thanks to a power outage on Christmas night (about 15 minutes after we sat down for dinner), the snow fort became an outdoor refrigerator. I never thought on a Christmas night that I would be getting in the truck with my brother so that he could drive me to his office at the hospital so that I could use my breast pump during the power outage. (I'm pleased to report that while at his office, I discovered the battery pack for my breast pump.)
Santa was good to Ethan and to all of us, well, except maybe Troy who got the flu on Christmas Eve and kept it until about New Year's Eve.

Even aliens get their toes done

2010-12-18T09:50:00.000-08:00

Two Saturdays ago, I fed both babies, had my Ethan sleep, and realized I had to seize the moment...it was time to go get a pedicure. There is a great place two blocks from our building so off I went. I sat in the chair and realized that sitting next to me was the actress from the television series "V. She was dressed in her character's gray suit...so I just had to ask, "Aren't you the actress from "V?"
Yes, she replied, flattered by the acknowledgement. (I had been the only person in the place to recognize her as an actress and be able to name the series.)
I decided to engage her in a conversation, not so much because she was an actress, but more because this was my one-hour of freedom...of being pampered...of having the option of talking to an adult about adult things without interruption. My inner self was screaming, "Celebrity or not, just talk to me!"
So I calmly asked her, "As a mother of twins, I get the same questions from strangers...and sometimes I think if I hear that question one more time, it will make me scream. Do you get the same questions over-and-over, and if so, what one question makes you scream you are so tired of it?"
She laughed and said, "I get tired of people asking if my character is going to eat a rat."
I laughed out loud. Not the question I was expecting! And for the record, yes, her character will be eating a rat this season.
With my hour-long celebrity-siting pedicure finished, I returned to my feeding, changing, cleaning, cooking, not-sleeping, playing-kind of life.
We are getting ready for the great Train trip. We leave Tuesday! I started packing yesterday...it will continue through the weekend. It's been a while since I've posted photos, so here are some quick pics...The warm winter sweaters came from a colleague of Troy's in Fort St. John, BC. The last picture--Oliver's arm around his sister--was taken on their 3-month birthday.
Merry one-week before Christmas!

Blur Part 2: In Focus

2010-12-01T07:07:00.000-08:00

As soon as I hit "publish" on yesterday's post, I glanced and found two sleeping babies on my bed. They were kicking and cooing as I wrote yesterday, but my mind wandered long enough that they must have tired waiting on me. I laid down beside one of them, closed my eyes for what I thought would be a second or two, then opened them 1.5 hours later. Times like those--when both babies are sleeping, Ethan is somewhere and somehow occupied, and I can just rest--times like those are heavenly.
A challenge with two babies (aka "twins") is finding the time to enjoy each one as individuals and enjoy the baby stage. Last week, Oliver taught me a life lesson that it's not just about me enjoying him...
We (me, Anna and Oliver) were in the waiting room at the doctor's office. My dad was in to see the doctor. Anna was peacefully asleep in her carseat and Oliver was wide awake in my arms. (Always thankful for one who sleeps while the other is awake when we are out and about.)
I had watched a tall, slim elderly woman make her way to the receptionist's desk, only to find out that the doctor's office had somehow mis-scheduled her appointment. Not a problem, though, as the receptionist promised to find a way to get her to see the doctor in the next few hours.
It was not a problem for her, as she explained that she is 91, lives alone, no one is expecting her, she no longer has to make dinner, she had no where to be and nothing really to get done that day. For 91, she looked remarkably well, although she was very thin and quite frail. She had these amazingly long, bony fingers, perhaps a piano player in her prime.
We sat across the sofas from one another and she asked me about the twins. I was tired and gave half-hearted answers until something tugged on my heart and told me to sit-up and pay attention to the miracle of life. I listened to her talk and then said, "Would you like to hold him?"
As the words came out of my mouth, I questioned myself knowing that Oliver is a solid guy and tends to throw himself backwards when someone is holding him. He is not one who likes to be held at this stage anyway...he really wants to be on the ground squirming these days.
I sat beside her and put Oliver facing her chest, with his head resting on her shoulder and she wrapped her arms around him so tight. There would be no way she could pick him up or put him down, she was way too frail for that action. But she could wrap her arms around him.
And to my surprise, he completely and totally relaxed in her arms and laid his head on her shoulder. He was completely and totally present in the moment.
She quickly teared up as she rested the side of her cheek on his head and ran her fingers across his shoulders and back. She then told me that her only son died about 5 years ago and no matter how old she was or how old he was, a mother's heart breaks when her child dies. As she held Oliver, she spoke of what it felt like to hold her son as a little baby.
She savored that moment of holding a baby on her chest. I savored the moment of watching Oliver fulfill something he was destined to do here on this earth. The receptionist savored the moment and mouthed, "What a gift you have given her."
What a gift Oliver -- and Anna -- has given all of us. And Ethan too.

It's all a blur

2010-11-30T14:25:00.000-08:00

"It was such a blur, that first year."
When I meet a twin mom with older twins and flash my two children id-ing myself as another twin mom, the above statement is often the first greeting.
And I'm beginning to agree. This first year is a blur, somewhere between living on a never-ending treadmill situated in the middle of a white sands desert rolling dunes that stretch to the horizon. The horizon is where you want to be and yet the likelihood of getting there feels almost non-existent.
But where is the "where?" I've spoken to enough twin moms to know that it's not about getting to the point where they sleep through the night, can sit-up, eat solids, crawl, potty train or graduate from high school. The where is not so much about them reaching a milestone, but rather, the "where" is a day where the to-do list is humanly possible to accomplish in a 24-hour period and that life becomes larger than feeding (everyone), changing (3 in diapers), appeasing (them and sometimes Troy), and collapsing (me). Let me be clear...as I sit here writing this blog post, I'm aware that there are many, many other things needing my attention. In fact, that's why I haven't blogged much as most often blogging comes in behind doing laundry so I have clean underwear. I'm staring at thank-you notes waiting to acknowledge acts of generosity and kindness from the past 4 months, birth announcements longing to send their cuteness across the postal miles, Christmas cards anticipating only 25 more days, Christmas presents calling out to be wrapped in cheery paper and prepared to mail to Texas, paperwork longing to be filed, clothes hoping to be folded, a bathroom sink crying desperately to be cleaned, a kitchen floor whimpering to be mopped and I could keep going, but I won't because I'm blogging.
This first year has been, and is going to be, such a blur. I'm lucky to check my email, even luckier to craft a somewhat intelligent reply. I'm celebrating that for the past two nights Oliver has gone to sleep at 9 pm and stayed asleep until 4 am, but before you shout Hurray, Anna is still eating at 11:30 pm, 2:30 am and 5:30 am. (Oh, and Ethan woke me up at 3:30 am standing beside my bed and just staring at me.) When I told my dad about last night's schedule, he asked, "So when did you sleep?"
Me, sleep? What is sleep? If every event in your life is to teach you something about yourself and this universe, then this event is teaching me that sleep matters and sleep deprivation is a lonely stranger.
If all of this isn't enough, which by the way, it is enough, I'm thrilled to say that we are taking on another challenge...Christmas 2010 in Chester, CA. That's right. This is the first year in about 12 years, and probably the last year for another 12 years, when I don't have to work on Christmas Eve so I wanted to travel somewhere. Somehow we managed to convince my saintly sister-in-law that opening her home to her father-in-law, Troy and me, a toddler, and two newborn twins would be a fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. Of course, she will open the door right after she shovels the 4-feet of snow they will probably have then.
That's right...not only are we traveling, but we are traveling into the snowy mountains of northern California to my brother's house. We are going via Amtrak, with just one catch...we are on an Amtrak bus from here to Seattle starting at 5:30 am. (Let me say, this trip is going to make my cross-country move with a toddler, a dog and my dad seem like a Caribbean vacation.)
Once we get on the train, and once our stuff gets on the train (3 carseats, 2 pack-n-plays, 1 double stroller, 5 suitcases, diaper bag, toddler backpack, and a Christmas bag of wrapped toys), it should be smooth sailing. I'm quite excited about the train...we have a private room reserved and will have access to a movie theater car, parlor car, dining car, observation car, and bar-car. That's right, alcohol. Tis the season.
We leave Vancouver at 5:30 am and arrive an hour outside of Chester at about 2:15 am, almost 24 hours later. What a day it will be...and won't be. If this first year really is a blur, and this ends up being more challenging transit than imagined, well, we won't remember it that well.
You might be concerned that be telling you about my trip that tells the blogworld that our home will be unoccupied over the holidays. I'm not concerned about someone burglarizing my house. We live in a condo building with 24-hour security.
And besides, my house is so unorganized that the burglars would probably have to stop and clean and pick-up to know if there is anything here they would want to take.

We are alive and well!

2010-09-22T07:56:00.000-07:00

I cannot tell you how many times I started a blog post then had to stop composing to take care of babies, or, how many times I finally got both babies to sleep only to lay my head on the pillow and with heavy eyelids consider what I might blog if I didn't choose sleep over blogging. It's not that there is a lot of sleep happening around here...maybe 4-5 hours a night.
Let me say, though, even though this household sometimes looks like that episode of I Love Lucy when Lucy is working in the chocolate factory and the conveyor belt melts down (except instead of chocolates, we have babies and dirty diapers and feedings), this is surprisingly a lot of fun.
This has not been as hard as I imagined it to be; not that it doesn't come with its challenging times. We have been so blessed by a church here in Vancouver that has fed us and held babies and encouraged us through cards and emails. THANK YOU StAW!
We even have the ability to get outside and enjoy the beautiful fall weather. In fact, it's quite enjoyable to have all 3 of them in the super-stroller, the Valco Twin Tri-Mode (I know, post a picture!). Ethan loves his new "perch" that comes with this stroller. Outings are still framed by 3-hour feedings, but even an hour walk is good for the soul.
It's fascinating to watch Anna and Oliver, who are both getting close to 10 pounds now. I think they already have their twin "secret" language. There is a vocal tone that they both have...one will start, the other join in as if in dialogue, and they will "talk" for 5 or so minutes. They tend to talk to one another in the middle of the night...last night, Sarah the Dog joined in the conversation and for about 5 minutes all 3 of them were in this "dialogue."
We've been on our own since last Friday when my mom returned to Texas to care for my dad, who is getting over pneumonia. She will come again later, but it has been interesting to try this on my own for a few days (again, amazing help from Sue and Rosemary here in Vancouver).
Ethan provides some comic relief as he now likes to tell "jokes." He continues to adjust and adapt to his new life. He is a champ at adjusting to change. I could take a lesson from him on how to handle all things with a bit of grace. And if that doesn't work, well, just play with your trains.
I will try and post some pictures in the next few days. I am so far behind on thank you notes (If my to-do list were like a Maslov pyramid, I'm at the basic level of having clean underwear everyday...higher level functions like thank you notes are just not functioning yet)....some amazing gifts of love have come from Texas to us and those of you who know who you are, thank you. We've even had some friends from Texas in Vancouver on vacation...they were able to stop in and say hello and meet the babies.
Okay, babies are stirring, it's 8 am on Wednesday morning...the conveyor belt begins!

Our first weekend home

2010-08-16T16:05:00.000-07:00

Oliver (l) and Anna (r) snooze together.

Ethan enjoys a mini-muffin while sitting on "mommy/daddy bed" and watching his brother and sister. He likes to hold their hands while they are in their bed.

Sigh....

Daddy's shoes...Ethan had quite a time walking around the house in his dad's shoes, then, practicing his standing broad jump to get out of the shoes.

The twins are doing great! We visited the doctor today (they are 10 days old) and received great reviews for the progress both are making. Oliver now weighs 6.4 lbs, up from 5.8 lbs., and Anna weighs 6.6 lbs., up from 6.2 lbs. Oliver is 20 inches long and Anna is 19.8 inches long. They have a great rhythm (day and night): eat and then sleep. They are at their cutest when they are eating, but we can't post those pictures as they reveal other things too! Oliver prefers the football hold while Anna likes to stretch out across my torso. That means Oliver often eats with either his sister's feet, legs or bottom in his face or on his head. I expect he will somehow make even for this later on in life.

Ethan loves his brother and sister. He is now concerned with me feeding them, so yesterday he started telling me, "momma, feed babies now." He also likes to get my boppy-on-steroids nursing pillow (made specifically for twins) and pretend to feed the babies. More than either of these things, though, he really likes to sit next to me while the twins nurse and he can watch the story book "Three Pigs" on his dad's new iPad.

Baked Ziti

2010-08-13T19:55:00.000-07:00

It's about 5:20 pm on Friday. The twins are one-week old today and they are doing great! Both have almost already gained back to their birth weight. We are establishing a good schedule. I continue to say that we are very tired at times and yet filled with a deep joy and for this, I give thanks,
Today's topic: Food. It's Day 3 of being home from the hospital and we have received some wonderful meals. For this, I give deep and abundant thanks. It is such a relief as the dinner hour approaches to know that there is something in the fridge that is yummy and ready to be heated. It's about the time that the dinner hour approaches, when I know we are in for that 2-3 hour stretch that's challenging for any toddler, that my energy begins to drop.
I have enjoyed taking dinners to people for different reasons. My current reality of grace appearing in the form of food, combined with the grace that came after Ethan's birth, has taught me that I will make a meal for anyone, at anytime for the rest of my life. Just ask. One note: the best take-to-someone's-home-meal that I make is Baked Ziti. It's a recipe that I inherited from Kris Roberson at St. Andrew UMC in Plano and it continues to be one of my favorites as well as those who have received it (at least I haven't been told otherwise).
Unfortunately for Canadians, they don't know what Baked Ziti is. I've blogged this before so I won't go into detail, but apparently baked ziti is an Italian American recipe. Even though we share the same landmass, I guess Italian American food has not crept north of the border. There's a market for you here in Vancouver, my dear Rocco's on McKinney in Dallas.
Maybe it's not that Italian American hasn't made it to Vancovuer. It could be that in a city like this, a city that is known as the foodie city, Italian American takes its place among the wide palette of tastes and savors this city offers. Of course, not that I know much about these amazing restaurants, but give us a few years and we will return to fine dining. Until then, it's basic kid fare served at home with love. And for now, that's better than a candlelight table with a glass of red wine. I think. Mmmm....red wine...it's been quite some time.
Speaking of grace appearing in the form of food, I want to thank the anonymous women who take time to give to the BC Women and Children's Breastmilk donor bank. As we waited for my milk supply to arrive, donor breastmilk fed my two little ones. The milk is donated freely and given freely.
Grace.

First full day home

2010-08-11T13:19:00.000-07:00

I'm a little bit amazed that I have 5 minutes to blog, but I do, so I'm typing fast...excuse typos and grammar.
We came home yesterday and began folding into our lives the two newest residents of our home. I think we did 3 loads of laundry within the first 6 hours...it's amazing how fast these little ones go through clothes and changing pads. It's also unfortunate that the preemie diapers don't really help cover the boy, if you know what I mean. His little bum is so small that he can almost slide out of them at the most unfortunate of times.
Ethan greeted his brother and sister yesterday with his gentle touch, then he immediately remembered two different sets of crochet dolls given to the babies from two members of the church. He looked at the babies, ran into the living room to the special place we put the dolls (we had a discussion last month about these being the new babies' dolls), then came back in our room and immediately began giving the dolls to Anna and Oliver. So sweet.
I celebrate that the three of us, with a little extra helping hand from Troy every so often, accomplished a tandem feeding this morning...hallelujah!
This morning Ethan wanted me to walk with him to his caregiver's home (Nana was scheduled to walk). So the three of us did the walk together...me, no shower, no make-up, bedhead in my pjs walking 5 blocks in downtown Vancouver. What a great walk it was though...I could walk without getting out of breath or nauseus!!! The weather was cool and the breeze was refreshing...it was a great outing and I'm so glad Ethan demanded that I accompany him. Vancouver truly is beautiful at this time of the year (now if I could only say that about the rainy season too...maybe one day.)

Complete

2010-08-09T19:47:00.000-07:00

Two pre-birth questions faded in a way that I can only describe as grace during the past 3 days:
1. How does a mother's heart expand large enough to love not one, but three?
2. How do you care for two babies at once?
The first question faded away shortly after Anna and Oliver rested on my chest following delivery. All I could think of was how our family of 5 + Sarah feels complete. I remember hearing myself say, "This is the way it is supposed to be," but the words were mere symbols of a language beyond language. Selah. Hearts enlarge through grace.
The second question faded away today after Oliver was finally released from the Intermediate Nursery. I didn't blog about his time in the nursery or make a point to share this information with too many people. Having a child in special care broke my heart every day. And the roller coaster ride you go on...he's better, then he's not...he's eating more, then he's not...he's awake more, then he's not...it was such a relief when I walked in the nursery this morning and found him looking like a real, healthy baby. He had turned the corner that felt miles away. When he arrived in the room, life just happened and I found myself caring for two babies and we just did and are doing what needs to be done. Capacity enlarges through grace.
I had what the nursery nurses' called the third-day-weepies yesterday. His day nurse so kindly said, "If there's ever a good place to let it out, this is it." When I saw her this morning, I shared the good news that my milk was coming in. She said, "See, those weepies, aka hormones, were doing more than you thought...they were making milk."
Grace.
If Oliver has a goodnight in our care, we will all go home tomorrow. Grace. Selah. Complete.

Team Ransdell

2010-08-09T12:37:00.000-07:00

Oliver is doing great. His transition onto Team Ransdell has been seamless. Here are a few pics.

Oliver takes a look around the place.

Oliver is stressed about leaving the nursery... can't you tell?

Two of a kind

2010-08-09T10:43:00.000-07:00

Yup... we've got a pair at last! Oliver has just joined us in our room! He had a great night and was released from the intermediate nursery. He's looking around and curious as if he just wandered into town after a long trip. Kathryn doesn't waste any time, at the moment both Oliver and Anna are "double-barrel"... if ya know what I mean. We are doing the Ransdell happy dance.

Breech-Determination

2010-08-07T20:26:00.000-07:00

Dr brings back Anna full of LIFE!

A brief comment from Troy: By special request here is a description of the second remarkable birth. My little Anna's breech delivery was quite the thriller. Apparently the OB Dr's weren't as worried as I was as they joked throughout the procedure. It started with a little leg that managed to find its way to the exit. I assume she tripped over a cord as she was exploring the other side of her apartment. Anyway, With skill and stomach pressure they pulled so that the other leg and hips were out. A little more tugging had an arm and a shoulder out, can you imagine what that looked like with her belly pointed up? The other arm was tough but the worst part was the head. The tugging on the head looked much worse than the Dr assured me it was. I can hardly describe the contortions to her little body. She came out limp and I was scared to death. They took her into a side room where the incubators were. The pediatrician had quite a serious look on his face as he did his thing. Then in a burst of enthusiasm for life Anna cried out sharply and flailed her body. The pediatrician instantly calmed down and started into what looked like his normal routine. I almost yelled into a cheer but can't honestly remember what I said. Anna's got some serious determination that will serve her very well. I am proud... In the picture above the Dr came back into the room to show everyone how she was doing after leaving the room in a rush with my limp daughter.

A picture is worth... quite alot

2010-08-07T17:34:00.000-07:00

An word from Troy: Hi everyone, time for an update. Anna and Oliver are doing great! The outreach from our friends and family has been amazing and we love you all! Anna is with us in our room and Oliver is down in the Intermediate Nursery as they are a little worried about his sleeping... as in he's not doing much of anything else. He's otherwise perfectly healthy just with teenager style sleeping habits. Kathryn is healthy and feeling much better now that she can lie flat on her back. As for me I'm doing well now that I have been able to sleep and brush my teeth (sounds strange but it works). We've started the feeding cycle that will be our schedule for the next long while. It goes like this: Sleep, Eat, Change Diaper, Repeat. We'll likely be at the hospital till Monday. By popular demand... Pictures!

Kathryn admires her handy work...

Ethan meets his new sister... does the "touch" test. Nana too!

Troy and Anna compare hands

Kathryn and Oliver discuss his birth

Ethan likes the gift from his new bother and sister!

Oh what a night!

2010-08-06T10:55:00.000-07:00

So this is Kathryn...Troy is asleep and I just woke from a siesta and just wanted to say hello and record a few thoughts.
Just a few notes...
....I felt so supported by the medical team to achieve a vaginal birth. It wasn't so much about being natural this time, just vaginal, as I wanted less of a recovery time and I wanted that "moment." (Insert the song: You take the good, you take the bad...the good is the experience; the bad is the pain). I really appreciated the team's ability to help the babies enter this world in a holistic manner and yet exercise their skill and training as OBs, nurses and pediatricians in the context of a major medical facility.
....I felt so supported by Troy. This was a much different birth experience than with Ethan. I began labor by vomiting all the way down to my toenails and he hung in there the entire time. I think I sent him to buy every package of Welch's fruity chews from the vending machines as the evening progressed. He helped with pillows, my constant need to turn, and repositioning of blankets. But what mattered most was his immediate reaction to follow the doctor into the other room after Anna was born. She was a surprise breech and the experience stunned her and she needed to be revived. I had Oliver on my tummy and wasn't aware of the breech delivery, just that something was not right with her. It brought me comfort to know he was in the other room with her as I held our newest little guy. And of course, he blogged. And he even got the family who waited into the night to be on a Skype audio call so that a few of them could hear the babies' first cries. Such a techie he is.
...I felt so supported by my family--Eric's early morning Skype call, Shelley texting from her class to get the scoop, mom here in Vancouver taking care of Ethan, Dad calling and checking on me, Randy and Sandy calling and being part of the birth experience, and Rosemary and Tracey also signing-on to that conference call. It was great to stay in touch even though we live in different countries!
....I felt so supported by those who've gone before us (thanks Suzanne Zeman for the expansion practices, specifically the one about drawing awareness to all the generations who stand behind us in support); I felt so supported by all of you in the blog and Facebook world; and I felt so supported by Ethan who called us before bed last night on Skype and blew us goodnight kisses. We love you, our special little guy, and we can't wait for you to meet "brother sister."
Okay, there's more to say, but this is enough for now.

Welcome!

2010-08-06T09:28:00.000-07:00

Our family has grown! We welcome Oliver Edwin Ransdell and Anna Dawson Ransdell! We are blessed again. Oliver entered the world at 5:29 am and Anna arrived shortly after at 5:32 am. We were very blessed to have an OB who skillfully handled a breach delivery with Anna. Both babies are in the intermediate nursery today b/c of gestational age but we expect them to join us later tonight or tomorrow in our room. Thanks everyone for their love and support. Its hard to put into words how grateful and happy we are...Now, some sleep!

Down Unda

2010-08-06T03:52:00.000-07:00

Well, Kathryn has done good work! Waves of contractions now. She's fully dilated and we'll be ready to start pushing soon (10cm!). The Labor & Delivery department is crazy busy tonight. One baby was almost born in the wheelchair on the way in... Lets just say it was well on the way and she got here without a moment to spare! Kathryn is feeling good and ready, coping well with pain and pressures. She's feeling urges to push "down unda". Maybe an hour or so... buckle up folks! Its about to get bumpy.

Calm Before the Storm.

2010-08-06T02:02:00.000-07:00

It been calm around here as the meds kick-in and the nurse struggles to keep up with both heart beats. Contractions minor but getting stronger now. Kathryn still smiles and jokes are a welcome part of the experience... for now. The nurse is setting up all manner of birth carts.

Be Perfectly Still....

2010-08-06T00:35:00.000-07:00

Little pressure and done! Epidural is in... its a precaution with twins and not really going yet. Apparently Welche's fruit snacks are mandatory if you are pregnant with twins and about to go into labor. I just emptied out the vending machine! Kathryn doing wonderful!

Sploosh!

2010-08-05T23:45:00.000-07:00

Baby Girl is the lowest and OB just broke her water.... Funny feeling with a bit of laughter! Not as much volume as with Ethan but still giggles. HA!

Here we go!

2010-08-05T23:16:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone, its the T-Man. I'm filling in at the keyboard while Kathryn deals with a belly, pushing, and a few kiddo's. I'll be multi-tasking this evening during the event (blogger/attendant/coach/gopher). So lets get started. Sit back, relax and start your browser refreshing... After many hours in the maternity observation unit we've been moved into a labor room. Two false IV starts with third times the charm. Had a nice chat with the OB Dr about the differences between US and Canadian healthcare... very interesting, Eh! Next step is inserting the epidural, a required step with twins here at womens hospital. With a bit of nausea, Kathryn had a nice test run of the vomit cups and I'm pleased to report that they work well here in Canada. More later...

Guess what...

2010-08-05T14:30:00.000-07:00

The twins will soon be on the way!
I began having symptoms of pre-eclampsia last night, so the doctor made the decision to go ahead and induce before those symptoms get any worse. We are at BC Women's Hospital waiting for our labor room and then for the party to start.
Lots of different feelings and emotions...I could tell that things were changing in my body this week, and since I had pre-eclampsia with Ethan, I recognized those symptoms.
Twins...wow...I can't imagine what it's going to be like to see and hold TWO of them. I'm thankful that they are in a good position to try for a vaginal delivery. If we are able to have a vaginal delivery, then they will arrive sometime tomorow most likely.
We should have access to internet so we will be blogging!

Waddle, waddle, clean, clean

2010-07-22T12:40:00.000-07:00

I'm waddling around the condo this morning trying to organize and clean what I can. I had one of those hormone-induced breakdowns last night that makes you think that EVERYTHING is wrong just because your bedroom is not cleaned. Guys probably don't get what that kind of breakdown feels like...all the ladies know what I mean...it's like PMS to the 1000th degree.
My brother left this morning and my mother arrives tonight. It's a bit surreal that she's coming TONIGHT. Let me tell you a quick story...I probably didn't get a chance to tell you about the day the sonogram "revealed" the twins. We had no idea whether we would be able to have another child. So to find out we were pregnant on Dec. 31 was exciting--and overwhelming--enough. Then came Feb. 7. I went to the sonogram by myself because that's what you do when it is a second child...not that it is any less exciting, it's just a little bit more "familiar."
I recall laying on the table and closing my eyes, thankful for a little rest time in a darkened room without my toddler (the morning sickness with twins was a 24-hour/7-day-week seesaw between vomiting and wanting to vomit).
The technician had just begun the exam when she asked, "Do you have twins in your family?"
Still with my eyes shut, I answered, "Yes, my grandmother had fraternal twins." I didn't open my eyes as I thought she was making small talk.
"Guess what...you have fraternal twins too."
Now my eyes opened. I couldn't think of what to say.
"Show me," I said in my best rendition of Thomas asking Jesus to show him his wounds.
She turned the monitor and pointed to one blob and then another blob.
And the tears started flowing.
She moved forward with the exam and kept talking to me, trying to make me smile, and I think trying to keep me from passing out. Questions and doubts swirled in my head and heart as she handed me a picture of the twins and said, "All the best."
I headed straight to my car, sat in the driver's seat, and broke down. I called my mom in tears. She thought something was wrong. All I could say was, "I'm pregnant with twins."
I remember driving home, calling Troy, asking him to come home NOW. He too thought something was wrong. He walked in the door. I'm still crying. And all I could say was, "We're having twins."
I really can't remember his response. I do remember we went for a long walk on the seawall as Ethan was still at his daycare provider.
The very next day my parents called and said, "Whatever you need to make this easier, we will be there for you, even if that means one of us comes and stays for a couple of months." Their generous offer of time really took the pressure off of me and removed a large part of the "How will I do this?" question.
Yet I remember thinking, "it's February...it's a long way off before I will need them to come."
And here it is, a long way off has arrived. Mom is coming tonight. I will be honest. I need her to be here. I'm doing less and less each day and I need help cleaning and cooking.
I need help -- probably one of the most difficult sentences to say in the English language. When you can finally say those three words, it's funny how God makes all things possible.

Those babies are growing!

2010-07-20T14:19:00.000-07:00

Today starts week 33.
Four weeks ago, I had a sonogram and the babies weighed in at 3 lb. 11 oz. and 3 lbs. 6 oz.
Guess where they are today? The girl is weighing in at 6 lb. 1 oz. and the boy is at 5 lb. 9 oz. Combine that with very large amounts of amniotic fluid for both babies, and this is one mama who is carrying around a lot of extra weight.
Both of their weights are ahead of the growth scale for twins, so who knows how long it will be before they make their entrance into the world. I don't have to worry about tiny babies.
I often get asked the difference between a singleton and a twin pregnancy. More than anything else, the fatigue is the greatest challenge. At any given moment of the day, I'm tired and usually have an upset stomach (thanks to four feet constantly kicking my stomach at any given hour of the day).
Last week proved an interesting challenge for me. I was scheduled to begin maternity leave July 19, and on the Wednesday before, I woke up, got ready for work, and realized that I had nothing left...no energy, no creativity...my body had shifted its energies to 100% baby-making.
That was really hard for me to accept. I want my body to do what I want to do when I want to do it. Last Wednesday, my body said, "I'm tired. Slow me down. Let me sit and rest because there is a lot going on in here."
It was really hard for me to make the decision to take early maternity leave. I was scheduled to preach on Sun., July 18...and guess what, the gospel text was the classic Mary and Martha story. Couldn't I just push through and finish the chores with Martha in the kitchen? And then collapse the next day and start maternity leave? Did I have enough courage to admit that I was "on empty" and it was time for me to step aside and slow down and just be with Mary in the other room? Did I trust my own "reading" of my body to believe that what I was feeling inside was really what I was needing?
It was a tough call to make...the interior critic made me feel like I was giving up and letting people down. So, I took what that critic was saying and ran it past two trusted friends who both said, "It's okay. You've done enough. Let yourself rest."
After the decision was made, and later that evening after putting Ethan to bed, I realized it was the best thing for me to do and somehow, someway, all the rest would be okay.
In a way, I guess I did deliver a sermon on Sunday, except the only people in the congregation were myself, my interior critic, and in some way, two babies.
And now it's official...we are on TwinWatch 2010 as we wait for these two little ones to appear in this world.

30 weeks

2010-06-29T12:45:00.000-07:00

We reached a milestone today -- 30 weeks. If the twins go full-term, I will be pregnant for 8 more weeks. I have a hard time imagining myself doing this for 8 more weeks. I think I could take 5 or 6 more weeks (let's get past lung development in week 34).
I remember when I was pregnant with Ethan, I went through three distinct phases....the first, coming to terms with saying "I'm pregnant." Then, I came to terms with "I'm going to have a baby." Then it came time to come to terms with "I'm going to be a mom." Each of these phrases marked a process within my soul of changing identities, goals, hopes and even, dreams. And then Ethan came and those phrases drifted to the sideline in the midst of that which is life with a newborn.
The phrases with this pregnancy have been so much different...more about capacity...the "I am" phrases morphed into "How am I....?" questions. How am I going to make the most of this time, not miss something in Ethan's growth or miss out on a newborn's individualness simply because there are two?
Today, the questions changed just a bit for me as I was listening to a conversation on the history of work. Previous society's intertwined family and work; for example, the family farm became everyone's job and individuals found their place by the function within the farm. Hearing this conversation made me think about the family that will come together as 4 (including Sarah) turn into 6.
Family is such a fascinating topic. Some people like their families; some people don't. The need for family changed for me after Ethan was born and has only increased as he has grown into more of a person. Seeing him today wanting to give his great-aunt Rosie one more hug before "Rosie home Texas" (his words) made my heart melt.
In 12 days, one of the dearest and gracious families I know will celebrate the wedding of their daughter. My changing family dynamic will keep me from joining in-person to celebrate with this family. How does a gracious family come into being? How does a radically hospitable family come into being? How does a family learn to love one another?
In an age of dysfunctional families, how do you build a functional family? I think that's the question that I'm asking today as the countdown begins to our exciting, joyous, and yes, even scary, changes that are ahead. And just as with Ethan, I'm sure that these "How am I..."-questions will fade into the margins when the reality of not one, but two, newborns, keeps us all awake at night.

The unexpected sound of the long weekend

2010-06-20T15:08:00.000-07:00

This is as close as we will get to a baby-moon, or in our case, a twins-moon. Troy, Ethan, Sarah-the-dog, me and my very pregnant belly packed the car and stole away for a long weekend in Whistler. We stayed at a beautiful condo along the Blackcombe Mountain and enjoyed 4 days of being outside of our normal routine.
When you vacation with little ones, it's not so much about a vacation in the way that you sleep late, nap when you want, and take long meals with an extra glass of wine. No, you just keep with their regular schedules and do outside-of-the-norm activities in-between naps and meals and bedtimes.
And that's okay. That's our life...for now.
What I didn't expect on this vacation was the presence of an old-friend who greeted me here on the mountain. You know what it's like to meet up with the kind of old friend that the minute you are together it's like time has never passed and you wondered why it took you so long to come together again? That's what this reunion has been like.
During the past four days, I've sat with this friend and wondered how she ever escaped from my life, and, how to keep her in my life when we return to the everyday. You see, this friend isn't a person.
This friend is silence.
There is a silence in these mountains that I didn't expect. It is a deep silence that isn't as much about the absence of words. This silence is about the absence of rushing and the majesty of creation looming larger than the self-driven importance of any agenda.
Silence that isn't like quiet.
It has been as renewing to me as the cool mountain air.
It has been as much of a reminder to me of who I have been as to who I will be.
And it has invited me just to be.
Silence found us here even with a toddler.
And perhaps the toddler was the one who first drew my attention to the silence when he said the radio was "too loud." I'm not for sure he understands what too loud means, but his simple gesture of covering his ears reminds me that sometimes life gets a little too loud.
So God makes places like this, where silence, the kind of silence from which creation emerges, lives and breathes and has its being.

How you count time

2010-05-15T19:48:00.000-07:00

I still watch Good Morning America. Each morning, the anchors count how many days it has been since the oil rig explosion, which translates into how many days that oil and gas have been spilling into the Gulf of Mexico and how many days since its become clear that a worldwide oil company with billions in financial resources really had no contingency plan for this kind of accident.
For the second time since the explosion happened, I've had this gut feeling to do something. The first time I felt that feeling I was walking to church. It was just a few days after the explosion and I was anticipating media images of ducks and sea creatures covered in oil. I was anticipating having to see dead animals washing up on seashore and hearing of counts of other sea life struggling to survive. So I thought to myself, I want a National Day of Mourning for the Gulf and the animals.
It's something that the Church can propose that is uniquely the church's job to do. The media count the days; the local fishing industry is counting its losses (rightly so as this disaster will wipe out family businesses and change financial futures for people already struggling). Congress will count the trial and errors of BP not being able to find a solution for a pipe that continues to gush oil into the Gulf.
But who is counting, or better yet, naming the grief of an ecology slowly being coated in a substance that will change its habitat for at least the next 50 years if not longer? Besides Dawn, which began airing its commercials of ducks being cleaned of oil by the use of liquid soap, I haven't seen someone speak of this tragedy in terms of what it means to grieve a landscape forever changed by an accident stemming from our continuing need for fossil fuels.
So the first time I felt like I needed to do something, I felt like I needed to start a Facebook page-- a National Day of Mourning for Those who Can't Count the Time for Themselves." Like the ducks, and the dolphins, and the plankton and the 1,000s of other animals and sea life that call the Gulf "home."
Today, the thought hit me again that I needed to do something as I listened to the Moderator of the United Church of Canada speak at a Presbytery function. Her passion is the environment and she presents herself as a mystic and a feeler. Deeply moved by the lack of progress at Copenhangen, she is making her journey one of the speaking for the earth, an entity that often has no voice.
If there was a Heifer International for the Gulf, then I would buy a flock of ducks about right now, or maybe a dozen shrimp, or a basket-full of oysters, something that would help somewhere in the world replace the wild life that is being destroyed. Of course, there's not enough money to buy enough of all that lives in the ocean to replace it...but if we had a day of mourning, and somehow had a way for people to "restock" the gulf like we used to restock fish tanks, I don't know, then maybe, just maybe, it's somehow offsetting the days that oil is spilling into the ocean.
I hope the media continues to report on the explosion/oil spill in terms of "Day XX." It helps us short-termed memory public remember that even though accidents happen, they still have consequences that forever changes landscapes and futures.
How will I count the time that the Gulf continues to be spoken of in terms of oil, gas, fishing and dollars instead of God's creation?

Sit in the sun and contemplate your future

2010-05-11T12:51:00.000-07:00

It's simply gorgeous this week in Vancouver. It's almost as if a page has been turned in the climate book. We went from partly-sunny-and-chilly to mostly-sunny-and semi-comfortable, if not warm in the middle of the day. The change seemed to happen almost overnight, and of course, now that I've blogged this, the rains will return. But I'm hopeful and optimistic and naive.
I just returned from lunch, having walked the 4 blocks in the sunshine to a favorite Greek restaurant then 2 blocks further to the home of "the cinnamon roll." I've craved this particular cinnamon roll for a good part of my pregnancy and for the most part, I haven't indulged (I don't even want to know how many calories are in this thing.).
Today, I indulged.
I ordered that delicious iced bun then stood at the counter, belly full-and-round, while a lovely older women with an English accent rang my order. As she handed me the bag she said, "Go out and find a place in the sunshine to sit and contemplate your future (motioning towards my belly)." I said, "That's a lovely idea; it's a wild future in store and to be here before I know it." She laughed and said, "Contemplate, but don't worry, it will all be good and wonderful and healthy and you will be happy."
I smiled, took my roll, and said, "Thank you for that most gracious blessing. So be it."
This IS an amazing cinnamon roll. And I'm not worrying a bit while I savor every bite.

Toddler yoga

2010-04-26T16:00:00.000-07:00

It's been about a month since I've posted...it's been a bit of a busy month. My parents visited during the month and we celebrated Ethan's 2nd birthday. I've watched from afar the birth of several babies to friends and acquaintances, all the while watching the growth of my own tummy with two. The one-year anniversary of my grandfather's death came and went. We filed our US and our Canadian tax returns, something I was anxious about most of this past year until finally seeing the bottom line.
Knowing that life will change in the 2nd half of this year, I wanted to take advantage of Ethan-and-me time this spring and summer. I enrolled us in a Toddler yoga class. The class time slot isn't the best...right at the edge of nap time, but we decided to give it a try today.
Three toddlers, three "mums" (Canadian for "mom") and a teacher with a caring heart. The instructor did her best to engage the little guys and in their own ways they participated. One time Ethan was ready to do the pose just about the time she was ready to end the pose. Ethan did bring a smile to my face when he stopped running under my legs long enough to join me in his modified warrior pose.
The class was to be 45 minutes, and about 30 minutes into it, the instructor said, I'm not sure who benefits more from toddler yoga...the toddlers or the parents. I say both. Ethan had the chance to run around a room and look out the windows at the boats, and I had the first chance in a long time to experience things like breathing and stretching.
The instructor decided the last 15 minutes of the class could be for the moms, so she guided us in a few gentle poses while the little ones ran around.
I had to let go of who I used to be in my yoga practice and accept who I am at the moment and realize that where I am right now is where I'm supposed to be. In the same way, when I was "in the yoga stream" and could do more than anything I could imagine now, I was where I was supposed to be then.
As Ethan and I walked home, I thought about how short the toddler attention span is, how Ethan popped into a pose and popped out almost just as fast, and then thought about my past yoga experiences. Even though I may have "looked the part," I probably then had about as much of an attention span of a toddler. And just acknowledging this on the walk home helped me to honor this 45 minute class as much as any hot yoga class my body ever endured.

Organization

2010-03-31T13:18:00.000-07:00

It's the last day of March and a dry day here in Vancouver. This town will get to spring and warm temperatures...I know it will. I have some good things to report about the month of March. First, Duke plays in the Final Four this weekend. Second, it's Easter this weekend and we have some good stuff planned as a family. Third, I finally have a regular place to take Sarah to get her nails trimmed. Fourth, I have someone I can call for casual babysitting. Fifth, because of #4, Troy and I had our first date last Saturday since my dad was here last September. And sixth, Costco rocks.
These are signs to me that life is somehow gaining some kind of normalcy. Transition is never easy and the kind of transition we've been through has been more challenging than I imagined. I hope it has made me stronger and better...sometimes I hope I just survived it all.
I'm looking forward to April being a bit light-hearted as we celebrate birthdays, welcome grandparents to Vancouver for a visit, and, begin the home organization process.
Because of circumstances beyond our control, we will probably stay here in our 1,000+ sq. ft. apartment for another year. That means we will have close quarters as we welcome new ones to our family. We will be converting a very small space into a guest bedroom for those who come to help us, and we will be moving things around to make space for twins. It's going to take some effort and prayer. So if you believe in prayer and have some space on your list, add this one: we need a storage unit in our building to become available. Soon.
Yesterday, I was walking with a friend and talking about the unexpectedness of life. She asked about the twins and I said for the first time in my life more than any other time, I really have no idea what the next 6-months, 12-months, or 2-years will be like. That rang true for her as she has some major shifts ahead in her life. Yet we both agreed that this experience is deepening our faith more than ever imagined.
For me, I'm learning to believe that even though I have no idea what it will be like, it will be good. It will be good. We will somehow make 1,000-sq.ft. work and it will be good. We will somehow make it through the first 4 months newborn with twins and it will be good. Ethan will grow into being a big brother and it will be good.
I'm also learning that not only will it be good, but there will be a tomorrow, a future. I have a strong desire to continue working after the 1-year Canadian maternity leave. It will happen. I will need to find affordable and quality childcare for this to be. It will happen. There will be a tomorrow to the changes that are happening today.
And the tomorrow will be good. Just as today is.

What makes you rich

2010-03-29T13:12:00.000-07:00

We've now lived a good week with this new Health Reform bill. There are a myriad of arguments on all sides of the reform bill and all kinds of theories as to why people are so upset, where the source of their rage is, etc. Who knew the health reform movement would bring out more Sarah Palin? You can decide whether more-Palin is for the better or worse.
I was struck yesterday while watching the Duke-Baylor game at two things: the first is that I never let myself hope for Duke to win during the game. I had one too many bball heartaches while in seminary and one too many 10-point leads in the final minutes that turned into 3-point losses. I thought Duke would win this game from a mental perspective; Coach K trains his team to handle the mental pressure of March Madness and I just wasn't sure how much mental prep the Baylor team would be given. The second...call me observant, but it took me to the second half to realize the color contrast on the court....almost all Duke players are Caucasian; almost all Baylor players are African-American. I don't know what the ethnic breakdown is at Baylor, but I can tell you, at Duke, there's a lot of Caucasian people on that campus. Perhaps the color of Baylor's team represents the student body as a whole, but my hunch is it doesn't. And I'm not sure what that symptom means; just an observation.
This observation reminded me of a fascinating subset of learning while on the Marshall Fellowship in October 2008. I think it was a conversation with a banker in Paris where we first began learning about this topic of population replacement. So often population questions are placed in the context of the overcrowding of this planet. This was the first time the conversation's context had more to do with what populations were meeting this replacement percentage (somewhere around 1.7 children, if I remember correctly), and, what populations were exceeding this replacement percentage. And then, if you do the math and factor it out, you can see which cultures are sustainable in the generations to come and which are not sustainable.
Look at it from an ethnic perspective (in the US, the Hispanic culture is reproducing at a faster rate the Caucasian), a religious perspective (in the world, the Muslim religion is reproducing faster than Christians) or geographical perspective (developing nations tend to out-reproduce established nations) and you will find fascinating information about the future of our society. Living here in Vancouver and seeing the majority of people who are from Asian descent makes me realize that if we stay here longterm, there's a good chance Ethan will marry into an Asian family. That doesn't really matter to us; but what it could do is mingle some color into our rather pasty-white family.
And I guess that's what has me thinking today...about how the Caucasian race, specifically the male gender, has held so much power in shaping and influencing of society, and how it is so interesting that demographics may not bear out a long-term future for this skin color. Maybe cultures are moving towards a brownish-blend (you know that color as the color of Jesus, right?) and a day will come that the Caucasian skin color will only be seen in paintings on museum walls.
It's hard to imagine that day in US society, though, because Caucasian skin color currently dominates a large majority of power positions. It's just interesting to note the race and gender of those who support reform and those who don't. (And to be fair as one of my blog readers said, for him, it's not about wanting or not wanting the reform, it's more about the concern of how it will get paid for.)
Which his comment reminds me of why I titled this post, "What makes you rich." Quickly...when we moved to Canada, I thought the taxes across the board were higher. As we are moving towards the filing of our first Canadian and US tax returns, what I'm realizing is that the tax brackets in the US and Canada are about the same; what is different is the amount of income needed to jump to the higher bracket in Canada is much lower than in the US. So, what makes you rich in Canada is a lot less than in the US. Just an interesting perspective shift for me. What makes you rich changes depending on where in the world you live.

Don't stick your toe in the water...it's not fine!

2010-03-25T20:57:00.000-07:00

Over the past two weeks, I have wanted to chime-in on Facebook or my blog regarding the health care debate in the States but I haven't. Until today. I felt clarity about what I wanted to say when Good Morning America reported on the hate mail and violence directed towards congressmen/women who voted for the health care reform bill. What I wanted to say is regardless of where you are on reform, it's amazing that we've lost our ability to be civil towards one another.
Throughout the day there were comments exchanged from people in different parts of the country, and, parts of the state of Texas. I liked seeing people comment, and especially appreciated a friend who is also a psychologist speak to the issue of how people on the edge can interpret this negative discourse and do something that crosses the line and harms human life.
Even with my best intention, the comments still crossed that awkward line and I wasn't sure what to do with two friends (who don't know each other) who clashed in their opinions.
So all that aisde, I also received an email today from someone who asked what my experience of healthcare has been like here in Canada. Since I may not have done so well with the awkward FB exchange, this is probably a safer place to explore. So let me share with you my experience of healthcare in Canada.
The Canadians who I've spoken with like to grumble about their system in the same way that each of us likes to grumble about our families. When I have asked a grumbler whether they would keep their system or adopt the US system, they very quickly defend their system and express concern over the expense of the US system. One person who vacationed in the US and purchased a travel insurance plan was amazed that when needing 6 hours of emergency care while in the states, the bill came to somewhere around $13000. There is no way she could have ever afforded $13,000. Because she had a travel policy, all she had to pay was a couple-hundred deductible.
Each province in Canada operates its own health system, so this one is BC Care. Each one of us was issued a BC Care card which is presented at any appointment and covers the cost of the appointment. Dental and vision and things like physical therapy are covered by secondary insurance that we purchase through our employers. But the basics of seeing a doctor, going to the emergency room, or being cared for in the hospital, are covered by BC Care. Prescriptions are also covered with the BC Care Card. So far, my copay has been $5 per prescription.
Just as in the US, Canada has a drastic shortage of primary care doctors. A primary care doctor is your entry into the Canadian healthcare system. This is the person who sees you for all things, and when needed, refers you on to specialists. If you can't find a primary care doctor accepting new patients, which has been our situation, then you can go to walk-in clinics. I've happened upon a walk-in clinic where the receptionist now remembers me and Ethan and has worked hard to get us an appointment when we needed it. We've seen 3 of the doctors in this primary care practice and for now it works.
One difference with Ethan's care is that he sees the primary care doctor and not a pediatrician. This is one aspect of the healthcare system that I have not liked. There is comfort in having a doctor who sees only kids. Ethan's pediatrician in the States was incredible (and her nurse too!). I took comfort that she saw children all day long so she had the experience to measure where Ethan was in development, etc. I also took comfort that her nurse had lots of practice giving shots to children. It's a fine art to give a kid a shot and when the doctor you are seeing doesn't see kids all day long, they just don't have as much practice.
Since the pregnancy, I have been really pleased with how the healthcare system has worked for us. My primary care doctor referred me to an OB. Not being from here, I didn't have a specific request for a doctor (which I could have made that if I had it). I did have a request that the OB have privileges to deliver and BC Women's and Children's Hospital and I was assigned an OB who delivers at this hospital.
I've met with the OB two times now. I shared with her some of my concerns about how deliveries are handled in the US, especially the controversial issue around the increased c-section rate. She assured me that she nor the hospital have written or unwritten rules to send a women to surgery if they haven't delivered by 4 pm that day. She also assured me that she would do everything possible to help me achieve a vaginal delivery with little medical intervention. Some of you know that I worked with a midwife and an OB in the delivery of Ethan and I really liked that balance of care. There is a more active presence of midwives in the BC Health System and I may still yet decide to explore working with a midwife once I reach the 20-week pregnancy mark and we know that all is well.
I've expressed two concerns to my OB and she immediately followed up with referrals to two different specialists. In addition, early in the pregnancy when there was some concern, my family care doctor referred me to a genetics counselor who functioned as part educator, listener, advocate and social worker.
I've noticed that there is quite a bit of paperwork tracking involved in this healthcare system, but I've been amazed at how organized the different offices have been in keeping track of what each other is doing and how paperwork is transferred between offices.
When I've visited hospitals in BC, I can say that they aren't the brand-new hotel-like facilities that we are growing accustomed to in the US. My husband is a healthcare architect; that means he designs hospitals so I'm all for the building of new hospitals ;). I confess that it's been hard for me not to place a judgement on the quality of care based on the facilities. Even he has reminded me that the age of the facility has nothing to do with the skill and quality of care.
Regarding Troy's health issues, once he got in the system, he found his specialized care to be ordered, organized and accessible.
We will deliver twins this year knowing that at the end of the day, we won't have to worry about a medical bill for NICU care that they may need (pray that they don't need any NICU care). We don't have this worry in the back of our minds about healthcare being connected to a job and the idea of losing healthcare if you get laid off. We enjoy that our secondary insurance allows us to see a massage therapist, chiropractor and acupuncturist for care.
For me, the question that the US faces is the defining of what health care is: a commodity or a human right. The current insurance system, as I understand it, really took root in the early 80s under Reagan. I vaguely recall going to the doctor when I was young before there was such a thing as an insurance card. And I remember my parents discussing how our doctors were changing with "insurance." I remember my family doctor changing when I was in elementary school because our plan was changed and he was no longer on the plan.
My family's experience in the States has shown me that there something has to give when it comes to insurance companies and patient rights. There needs to be some kind of reform of insurance companies. Even on a very small level, when Ethan was born, I had insurance through my job and insurance through Troy's job. Troy's maternity policy paid 100%. My maternity policy paid 80%. We paid full price for both policies only to find out, after Ethan's birth, that insurance regulation requires the hospital, in situations where the patient is double-insured, to file on the plan of the spouse who has earlier birthday in the calendar year. Because I was born in April and Troy was born in June, we had to use my insurance plan and have a $600 hospital bill when we had a policy that would have paid for the birth at 100%. I'm still scratching my head on that one. Fortunately, we could absorb $600 in our budget in the same way that we could afford double health insurance. But in the end, it didn't pay to have both policies. If only we could have invested that $600 in Ethan's college savings fund...18 years of compounding interest probably would have bought at least two books!
So that's my experience so far. I expect over the next 7 months we will get to know the health system even more intimately. I wish all my friends in the US the best as they make their way through what I imagine are daily debates with friends and co-workers.

Two babies

2010-03-17T20:36:00.000-07:00

Part of our going-to-bed routine includes a recap of Ethan's day. He enjoys telling me what he did throughout the day and successfully engages his caveman-like sentence structure to describe his adventures. Tonight he seemed interested in talking about two babies. Yes, Ethan, it's two babies.
The other thing he did tonight--for the first time ever--he joined me in singing the ABCs. He doesn't know the letters past "c" so he did what we all do when we don't know the words to the song...we just fake it and string together some sounds like we are humming along. It was one of those super-cute moments that you want to bottle and save for later. We sang the song 3x with Ethan mumbling through the letters once we passed the letter "c."

Good times!

2010-03-15T07:03:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure who, but someone posted this photo on FB yesterday. It's from an 8th grade choir banquet, if I remember correctly. What's so strange is that there are a few people in the line-up who I don't remember or even recognize their names. Is that normal? Did I really go through school that unaware of who might be standing with me in a photo and not be able to recognize them so many years later? Can you pick out which one is me?--first one on the left.

It takes a Village

2010-03-14T19:50:00.001-07:00

So there's another way that the phrase "It Takes a Village" enters this phase of my life...I am thrilled to share with my blog world that we are expecting....and it was a double surprise when we were told, "TWINS!" More later about the whirlwind that it's been...they will enter the world around Sept. 7.

It Takes a Village

2010-03-14T19:49:00.000-07:00

I attended a really amazing seminar yesterday titled "It Takes a Village." The seminar had four goals:

To increase non-Aboriginal youth, young adult and adult understanding of Aboriginal communities before contact, during the residential school years and the time following.
To allow participants through a simulation experience about an aboriginal village, to really seek to understand the experience that has led Aboriginal people to the place they have lived through and now hold in history and culture
To hear from Aboriginal Youth and Elders about their own history and experience
To set personal goals for individual future involvement in building right relations with Aboriginal and non-aboriginal people and communities

I've learned many things about myself and about this new place where I live since coming in August. One of the interesting things I've learned, and I want to learn more about, is the history and relationship between the people of British Columbia and what is called the First Nations, or, Aboriginal people.

You know that phrase that you don't know what you don't know (is that how that phrase goes)? I didn't even know there was so much to learn in this history until last November, when my eyes were abruptly opened to what I don't know. At the last minute, an event organizer contacted me and asked me to give a brief speech to conclude a ceremony to remember trans-gendered people who had been murdered in the previous year. I prepared a pretty inclusive, brief, hopeful speech, delivered it, sat down...and then something happened to me that has never happened before. This young man ran onto the stage, identified himself as First Nations, then proceeded to rant about Christians, missionaries, the oppression of his people...and he concluded his impromptu speech by looking me in the eyes and saying, "I didn't come here tonight to be patronized."

All I remember is turning to the host sitting next to me and asking, "What is 'First Nations'?" I wanted to crawl under the floor, not knowing how I offended this person, not knowing what this other story was, and not sure if this was some sign that I didn't have what it takes to be a minister in Canada.

Since that night, I've learned that there is a lot of history and a lot of pain in what is known as the settlement of Canada, specifically British Columbia, and the assimilation of what we in the States call Native Americans, known here as Aboriginal people or First Nations.

If you watched the opening ceremonies, you saw much of the First Nations tradition featured in the presentation. Even though the First Nations tribes officially endorsed the Olympics, the Anti-Olympic organizers (some First Nations, some not) rallied around this phrase, "No Games on Stolen Lands." That idea of "stolen lands" is one end of the continuum of feelings that circulate around this issue.

Canada's history with assimilation of First Nations people is very painful. A system was implemented where First Nations children were taken from their families and tribes and sent to residential schools. Unfortunately, the residential schools contained physical, verbal and sexual abuse so much that now there is a whole category of Residential School Survivors (most closed in the 70s but a few were open as late as the early 90s). And after these kids "graduated" from the schools, they had no real home...they no longer "fit" with their tribes and yet they also didn't "fit" with mainstream society.

So part of Canada's work today is the reconciliation and healing...the government issued its formal apology to First Nations people as late as last year. I stepped into the middle of a hornet's nest that night, not knowing significant the connections and problems between prostitution, First Nations youth, and trans-gendered people. But what I knew is that I needed to know more, and I'm thankful for yesterday's seminar. Not only was it head learning about the history; it was also heart learning about the stories and the pain, and ultimately, it was a way to cultivate compassion on many different levels.

I've always believed that when you are ready to learn something, the teacher arrives. I look forward to how I will learn next in this important piece of Canada's story.

Let's say the Amen

2010-03-10T13:55:00.000-08:00

Have you ever gotten sick the week after a really big event? It seems that our bodies know when we are ramping up and then, when the body can finally let go, you get sick. That appears to have happened in Vancouver. Many people in the town have this cough-cold thing going on, and, Ethan decided to join in the fun. Poor little guy today had the watery eyes, sneezing, coughing-thing this morning.
But a cold can't keep a toddler down. No, no. There's too much to do. Toys, colors, letters, books and puzzles. When I have a cold, I want my sofa and a movie. Ethan keeps going, which also helps me know that he's not too sick.
So on this sick day, let me share just a slice of Ethan's life.
Ever since Ethan began sitting with us at the table for dinner, we have said grace together. We join hands, say a prayer, and then conclude by folding our hands together and saying, "Amen."
We didn't know that Ethan was catching on to this routine until one day when we sat down and began eating without saying grace. He stretched his hands towards us, nodded his head and said, "Amen."
And from that day, when Ethan sits down at the table, he says, "Amen, amen," while reaching his hand towards ours. Sometimes he wants "to say the Amen" half-way through dinner, so he puts his spoon down, reaches his hands towards ours, nods his head, and says "Amen."
In one of his books, there is a picture of people praying. Ethan calls it "the Amen."
This is his word for prayer: "Amen."
And I'm thinking that this is a good word to describe prayer...the Hebrew translation--so be it--what a better beginning introduction to the theology of prayer.
So be it...We give thanks for our food and our family...So be it...We pray for a friend's healing...So be it...and we pray for Ethan's healing...So be it.
Maybe if I said this phrase a little more often--so be it--I could cultivate more of that Jesus-"Do not worry"-stuff. If following my prayers I could simply affirm, "So be it," and move forward confident that as a mother cares for her child, so God cares for us.
Sometimes we sit at the table and ask Ethan, "Is it time to say the Amen?" What a great question to ask the soul...is it time to say the "so be it"?
In addition to his Amen, Ethan has also discovered his first letter...the letter "B." He loves to say and color the letter B. He walks around telling me all the time, "b, b, b." Hmmm...so you are telling me that all I have to do is just "be."
So be it.

How cool fish look upside down!

2010-02-28T15:42:00.000-08:00

The 3 of us went to the Vancouver Aquarium this morning; a great way to kick-off a gold medal day. Ethan liked looking at the fish upside down. Notice his sweatshirt--some casual recruiting here in the Pacific Northwest!

The Olympics! What fun!

2010-02-28T15:33:00.000-08:00

The last game of the Olympics resulted in gold for Canada and by the sounds on the streets 19 floors below us, it sounds like Vancouver has quite a party in-store for the remaining hours on this Sunday afternoon.
I have really enjoyed the Olympic spirit of Vancouver. This is my first time to watch the Olympics so closely...from Opening Ceremonies to individual sporting events (curling!) to the Closing Ceremonies tonight. I've enjoyed seeing Canada find their patriotic voice, and I've learned much about the "Canadian way of being" thanks to all the commentators and things like the President's Choice commericals: "We will take credit. But not too much, remember, we are Canadian." I listened to one commentator speak about how un-Canadian it is for all the Canadians to be running around in outfits that have "Canada" all over them. The Olympic Superstore has almost sold-out on all the Canadian sweatshirts, shirts, mittens and scarfs.
I am anticipating what the Para-Olympic spirit will be like. Having not followed the Olympics too closely, I have had even less exposure to the Para-Olympics. Last night I wondered whether or not the Olympic flame will be lit for those games.
We moved here last August and most conversation has centered around what the Olympics will be like. Now, we get to embrace what is the beauty and everyday-ness of Vancouver. I guess for a few months we will discuss what it was like when the Olympics were here...a generous spirit by the locals, not too bad of traffic, and a great opportunity to have some out-of-town visitors.
Tomorrow is March 1 -- that means it's official, I've made it through the four months that most Vancouver-ites say are the hardest...November through February. The spring is here according to all the plants and trees, and I know the temperature and sunny skies are soon to come into agreement.
I'm looking forward to Closing Ceremonies tonight and what tomorrow, March 1, will hold. Good job, Canada. You were great hosts for these games.

USA vs. Canada -- Women's!

2010-02-25T15:20:00.000-08:00

The Olympics are coming down to the final days...women's figure skating tonight in addition to the BIG game today -- USA vs. Canada...the women! There's a bit of discussion in the media today about the Canadian women's gold medal performances...the women account for 80% of Canadian medals. Even though Canadian athletes overall did not reach the goals of "Own the Podium," the women seem to have owned it and made it their own.
Sunday is the day of the mens' Canada-US hockey game and then closing ceremonies. I've enjoyed Vancouver during the Olympics. There's much to do even if you don't attend an official game. Different countries sponsor "houses or pavilions" that feature their countries' best aspects. I had the chance to visit the Francophone, Swiss, and Irish houses. I didn't get to the Irish house, but I've heard it's quite the party location. ("Party and "toddler at home" are words that just don't go together these days unless you are speaking of potty parties!).
Being in the midst of the crowds and making our way through Robson Square and the Granville Street art displays has been a favorite activity the past two weekends. We will probably make one more trip this weekend.
Something I didn't think about until I received emails from friends is how seeing Vancouver on tv everynight has helped our long distance family and friends feel a little closer to us! You are seeing our home everynight as we live in the downtown area. This really is a beautiful place. I took some visitors to the Capilano Bridge this past Monday; it was a sunny morning and I was taken by how fresh the air felt as we walked through the treetops (literally, part of the attraction). That was my "little thing" that I noticed this past week and I give thanks!

Still finding the little things

2010-02-20T14:47:00.000-08:00

Living in a condo that does not have central air or heat, I realized yesterday that this also means I don't have anything filtering the air. I'm wondering about getting some kind of air filter, but then again, I'm not sure I want to see what it might filter either! As I went about cleaning the house yesterday in anticipation of our weekend Olympic guests, I found myself thankful for a vacuum cleaner with lots of attachments to help contain the dust and dog hair that finds its way to our carpets and baseboards and window sills. I like that feeling of a freshly, well-vacuumed house. I'm thankful to have the time to vacuum. Really.
Today the little things happened this morning. I love cooking pancakes. I love the smell and the taste! I made pancakes for our family and guests this morning, and we all sat around enjoying pancakes and syrup. After a quick trip to COSTCO (loving the prices, btw), Ethan, Sarah and I met Troy to walk around the Lost Lagoon at Stanley Park. The sun is out today in grand style, and, it feels warm on the skin. I love that.
My walk around the Lost Lagoon with a warm sun and an inquisitive son made my list of the little things. I loved seeing Ethan sort through rocks, putting the most prized ones in his pocket then running on to the next patch of grass.
And then right around naptime, my brother called out-of-the-blue just to say hello. Again, it's the little things. It was great to hear from him and hear about his family.
The past 48 hours: Vacuuming. The warm sun. The inquisitive sun. The brother's phone call.
Lent. I'm liking it.

My Lenten practice

2010-02-18T15:47:00.000-08:00

So my Lenten practice this year is 40 days of being present to my life.
I realized this was the way God was calling me "to return" when I received a beautiful email from a friend recounting a "God moment" she had earlier that day. After reading her account, I commented that this kind of stuff used to happen to me all the time, but now, not so much. What had changed? The first question I asked, "Where did God go?" "Did God not make it here to Vancouver when I moved (winking!)?"
Then, after a good night's sleep, I awoke on Mardi Gras and realized that God is just as much here as in Texas, so perhaps it is my awareness of God that needs to be tweaked abit.
Several times Jesus refers to the disciples having trouble "staying awake." I can relate to sleepy disciples because I'm a person who loves her sleep, and I was always the person to go to bed first at slumber parties.
Perhaps, though, I've been a bit sleepy in my mindfulness as I've gone through the days. I won't use the grey and rain of winter in Vancouver as an excuse. I don't need excuses, or explanations, or shoulds or coulds, all I'm anticipating is 40 days of mindfulness.
So it begins with today and just a brief incident that happened. I parked my car on the street, paid the meter, then stepped from behind my car to cross the street. A bicyclist was coming at a pretty good pace up the street and I quickly stopped and waved her on. She said something to me that I thought was "good eye," referencing my quick stop to let her pass. Then I thought, no, I think that was an Australian accent and she said, "Goodday."
My mindfulness moment: how wonderful it is to hear on a regular basis the many Australian accents that are gathered here in Vancouver.
40 days. Being present to myself and to God in the ordinariness of life.

Vancouver 2010!

2010-02-14T17:26:00.000-08:00

Vancouver is alive and well with the Olympics and we are in the midst of the celebrations. Troy, Ethan, Shelley (my sister-in-law) have been out-and-about the past couple of days. Lots of walking! The dolphins played with Ethan this morning at the aquarium; there's a couple of shots of the Olympic torch; and check out that mob (block party) we got caught up in on the street (imagine a stroller and a toddler with no room to move!); Ethan got to see the ice show with the Olympic mascots; and on the way there, I met the ABC news anchor, David Muir, who is covering the Olympics for ABC (which by the way, Good Morning America will be at Troy's office in the morning to discuss the Olympic Oval skating rink that his firm designed). I met the NBC crew who was here from Dallas--good to talk about Texas here in Vancouver! And the last picture is Ethan after just finishing a piece of cake! "yum" he says! (And quickly followed by "more.")

--
Rev. Kathryn Ransdell
214-507-8240 (c)

Check out my blog:
www.nowyouarehere.blogspot.com
-----------------------------------------------------------
"One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began..." from "The Journey" by Mary Oliver

Pillow please

2010-02-03T13:06:00.000-08:00

I want to say thanks to those in the blog world who sent me advice on Ethan's growing frustrations. I haven't had a chance to answer each comment personally, but I have to say that I really appreciate how each person had a different pearl of wisdom to offer. One mom asked, "How are you handling your frustration?" (which is always a great question for moms). Your comments helped me to evaluate what toys are easily accessible for him and what could be added to the mix that might balance the train fixation-frustration. We drove to the States on Monday and hit Target for a shape shorter then came home and shuffled some toys around his play area. Since then, the trains have reeived less attention, his frustration level has greatly decreased, and my mommy satisfaction has greatly increased.
We have had a couple of pretty good days around here finding that balance between doing chores and playing.  And I couldn't let this one slip-by the blog world: Last night, when putting Ethan into bed, he realized his panda pillow was not in the bed. When I laid him down, he looked up at me and said, "pillow please." (super cute baby voice!).
All things around Vancouver are turning towards the Olympics. Opening ceremonies are on Fri., Feb. 12.  The city is implementing traffic control measures everyday (road closures, lane closures, bus-route changes) so the locals are beginning to murmur about their city being invaded by the world. All kinds of art, pavilions and sites are opening up in anticipation of the gigantic party headed our way.
The "must-have" Olympic wear for this year is the official Canadian red mittens with a maple leaf imprinted on the palm (Troy models his as the 3 of us stand at the foot of Whistler).  The three of us were able to buy our pairs a few weeks ago so we are ready to cheer for the hometown team.
Well, it's the middle of Ethan's nap, so I think I will make the same request, "pillow, please."
Take care, and here's to doing things in this world that ease frustrations!

It's tough when at 21 months you already know what frustration is

2010-01-29T20:48:00.000-08:00

I guess Ethan is at an in-between stage. His physical body is really growing, already his pants that fit last month are high waters this month. He can do so much more than he could two months ago, and yet, the list is still long of what he cannot do. I'm noticing that he is hitting frustration when it comes to some tasks, like feeding himself and the food drops because he tilts the spoon upside down on the way to the mouth or like putting the train tracks together--he just doesn't quite have the fine motor skills to link the tracks.
Is this frustration part of normal childhood development? I would actually love a child development specialist to drop-by my blog and give me a few tips on how to respond to Ethan when he hits these frustration points. In the absence of any specialist, maybe there are a few moms who have some tips.
As Ethan develops more and more into a little person, I'm realizing how much he needs to help him grow in a healthy direction, and, I'm also realizing that no one trains you to be a parent. I hope what I'm doing in response to his frustration is the best thing for his development, but to be quite honest, sometimes I'm not sure. Should I let him struggle with putting his train track together, or should I put the train track together for him? It may seem like a small decision, but these are the tiny decisions I face on a daily basis with him. I feel like it is the sum of these decisions that either is or is not teaching him to learn and grow on his own.
I guess this is the balance of parenthood; and it's part head knowledge and part heart knowledge. My heart will always go before my head when it comes to caring for him, and I know there will be times when my head will need to guide my heart.
Here's saying a little prayer for the kind of skills I need to raise him to be healthy, wise and peace-filled.

Someone turned the faucets on again

2010-01-25T14:00:00.000-08:00

I never thought my blog would become a report on the weather until now that I realize how much of an impact the weather can have on a person's enjoyment and engagement with the world. Someone turned the faucet on again here in Vancouver, so we are living through another drippy, gray day. If the weather can have such a profound impact on one individual's disposition here in Vancouver, the only hope must be that on the other side of the rains will come breathtakingly beautiful days. Fingers crossed!
Knowing that the rains were returning this week, Troy and I ventured on Saturday morning with Ethan and Sarah to Stanley Park. Walking amidst trees 100+ years old is a humbling exercise in the experience of being mortal. That afternoon, we trekked to the beach to absorb the last rays of the sun setting across the bay and to experience sand between our toes.
Both of these natural phenomenons are within walking distance from where we live. Rain aside, this is an amazing place.
Today is my first day back to part-time status; the "senior" was on an extended vacation this past month in India so I had the chance to work full-time. It was really a great joy for me in experiencing the life of the people gathered within this congregation. I've been playing around in my mind with the idea that my next step in ministry might just be that senior pastor-thing so this was a good opportunity to see what it is like. However, the realities of home life may mean the senior pastor opportunity is still years-off. It's a good exercise for humanity to spend some time with the prayer, "Where is God nudging me in my life?" and certainly the past month afforded me those sacred opportunities.
Today, though, it's back to part-time work and part-time home life. I admit that I didn't hold the balance well this past month. I realized that I basically went from Jan. 1-Jan. 24 without time to myself. I don't think I followed my own teaching on keeping Sabbath. Today has been about resettling things around here: meal planning and grocery store this morning (fyi, I think the price of groceries in Vancouver has increased in anticipation of the Olympics) and cleaning/organizing this afternoon.
Here's to drippy days!

It's a beautiful day

2010-01-22T14:35:00.000-08:00

My aunt said to me on the phone today, "you sound a bit more upbeat than you've been the past couple of weeks."
I think it's all because the rain has stopped (at least temporarily) and we have had sun here in Vancouver. It's almost like these past few days have been a tiny foretaste as to why people live here. On a trip last Saturday to a nearby winery, a local Vancouverite, a blog reader and fellow church-attender, wanted to ensure that I posted to my blog that, indeed, the sun is shining again in BC.
Being from Texas and never suffering from a lack of sun, this is a new experience as to what shorter daylight and rainer days can do to one's disposition. I totally understand why one church member, at the start of the rainy season, said his survival method is to book a trip to the beach for the end of the rainy season...and that keeps him pushing through the rain. I like that idea.
Of course, a little grey and a lot of rain isn't all that bad as people in Haiti are trying to reconfigure what their already-distressed life will now be. My heart was a bit saddened to hear that the government is moving 400,000 people to an encampment just outside of town.
Having had the opportunity to travel to Haiti while in seminary, and seeing how a temporary government encampment gave birth to the largest slum in the Northern Hemisphere-Cite Soleil-I hope and pray for these people that the mission teams can be organized as soon as safely possible and the cinder-block homes that are built every year in Jaurez can soon be adapted and built in Haiti.
In just a few minutes, when Ethan wakes from his nap, he, Sarah and I will take a short walk to beautiful Stanley Park in Vancouver, a park in downtown that is larger than Central Park. Being among those really huge, old trees helps me remember that life is fragile, so short, and although I may come and go in a blink of an eye, nature, this earth remains. For some reason, this brings me peace.

Happy New Year...It's almost the Olympics...and I haven't seen the sun since my last blog post

2010-01-14T20:20:00.000-08:00

So this headline pretty much sums up the past 2.5 weeks since my last blogpost. Vancouver entered 2010 like every other country, except that I'm not sure Vancouver has seen the sun since the New Year. My need to see the sun hit maximum levels last night when I was one-click away from cashing in frequent flier miles to head to Texas at the end of this month. I'm not going to complain about not seeing the sun; I realize that there are people who have lived here their entire lives and have gone long stretches without seeing the sun and they seem normal, well-adjusted and healthy. Not seeing the sun won't make me crazy, at least any more crazy than I already am.
And here I am complaining about not seeing the sun when people like Pat Robertson are in the world making statements that show how back-ass stupid their theology is...it's not just even theology, it's called being a human being. I feel sorry for the guy, actually. He must have surrounded himself with yes-men a long time ago and has built a glass castle around himself. That's a lonely place to be and he reaps what he has sown.
My heart has been with Haiti this week...having travelled there on a mission trip while in seminary, the place seems familiar to me, even though as a 3rd world country, it is so far away from the reality of my life. When I was there, it was a poor, poor country with little to no infrastructure. I cannot imagine it now. I'm really praying for the people's ability to persevere and sustain their spirits through what will be a challenging time of going without food, water, shelter...the things that we really need in life that keep us from going crazy.
In other update news, last weekend, my best friend from Harrisburg, PA, drove, flew, then drove again to make her way to Vancouver for a long weekend. It was so good to share that time with her. In addition, I'm working full-time this month as the senior pastor is in India. So, I've had some extra preaching duties and that has been a blessing to me.
The Olympics are now less than a month away...Vancouver is getting "dressed up" with public art and banners. It's a bit warmer than usual this winter so many of the ski locations are wishing for colder weather...way more rain right now than snow.
So, to sum up Vancouver, no sun, lots of rain. But no complaining from me. I just won't say, "Wish you were here," because if where you live it is sunny, I wish I was there.

BC License plates

2009-12-29T20:11:00.000-08:00

As our transaction came to an end and the final papers signed, she reminded me, "At your convenience, please stop by and surrender your Texas license plates."
I smiled politely while on the inside thinking, "So much has already been taken (the greatest being the sun), why must you also demand my Texas plates?" (Laughing at this point in the story, Troy suggested that perhaps I might void my policy by not returning my license plates.)
I shook hands with the woman who had just issued me my BC insurance and vehicle registration, gathered up the toy ambulance, two books, box of raisins, and the scratch paper and pens that kept Ethan occupied for a long stretch in toddler-time, as well as my purse, the documents, the diaper bag, and oh, the toddler, and left her office.
This is the end of the four-month saga of Kathryn's car getting inspected, insured and registered.
I totally get that one must surrender things like license plates because someone might use them for bad. I'm having a harder time wrapping my mind around what I've heard happens when you get a BC license (they ask for your other license and KEEP it). I guess someone could use an old license and somehow mess with it, to, um, get into a bar? That's the reason I might have to hand over my Texas driver's license?
I don't think BC officials understand that the things that make us Texans, well, Texans, we are an independent bunch. Now, I will always be a Texan at heart, but things like driver's license and license plates are an outward and visible sign of an inward and invisible...(all you theologians are now concerned/intrigued about what word will follow)...identity.
Texas. I'm a Texan. I'm a United Methodist. Yes and no.
Right now, British Columbia. I'm a temporary immigrant. I'm a United Church-person. Yes and No.
I guess it fits as good as a new pair of jeans that you loved on the rack and will one day love when they are good and wore-in. But there's a process of being worn-in, on both of our parts.
BC has to wear-in to my soul and my soul has to wear-in to BC. Right now, it's the grayish days of BC. I've dreamt of being on the beach baking in the sun the past 3 nights. I tried to chase the sun today so that I could see it the few minutes it popped through the clouds, but by the time I leashed Sarah and had Ethan in his stroller, the rays were long gone. We walked the block anyway.
And I have to wear-in to BC, which for me, the lessons of 2009 that I carry into 2010 is that friendships are what make a place feel like home. I'm going to work hard on making friends this spring and summer, anticipating that as the season changes and people come out to play again, it will be the time to create friendships that sustain joy through the winter months.
Will relinquishing my Texas license plates help me to wear into BC? And my driver's license too? I'm not so sure, and my American, Texan spirit that probably allowed me to procrastinate this long in getting insurance and registration (it's a government-owned enterprise here so there's no competition in rates) will probably push to see if I can keep a sacrament of Texas here in my life.

Just a quick message to scatteredbones6

2009-12-27T20:22:00.000-08:00

Hi scatteredbones6!
I tried to reply to your comment about my nursery theme but blogger wouldn't let me access your profile...unfortunately, I don't have any pics and we moved shortly from that house to another house, and then, to another country. If I had to do it over again, I think I would have chosen a panda bear theme and then incorporated the oriental elements.

Our 2009 Christmas

2009-12-25T15:02:00.001-08:00

It's only 3 pm on Christmas Day so our day has been wonderful and there's more to come...including our main meal! I was so thrilled that Troy took a few minutes to gather some of the photos of the past 24 hours. The first 5 are from this morning...Ethan's first Christmas "to get" what's going on. You can see some of the big presents Santa brought him...an art easel and a vacuum. Nana and Grandpa Self sent him a music table. Sarah made Santa's nice list so she got a stocking full of treats.

The next two pictures are from yesterday's Toddler Service at the church. Ethan looks like quite the student standing up front and pointing at the puppet show. The person to the right of the stage is the senior pastor of my church and the person to the left is the children's minister--my colleagues for whom I am very grateful to be in ministry with. The other picture shows Ethan eating his Christmas cupcake he received at the end of the service.

And the last picture -- that was Sarah yesterday on Christmas Eve. What else is there to do except take a nap in the middle of Ethan's train track?

There's much more to say, but Ethan is awake and we have about an hour of sunlight left to take a family walk.

Merry Christmas to all!

2009-12-23T19:53:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas-Eve wishes from Ethan, Troy and Kathryn to all our friends and family!

On the day this picture was taken, Santa said to me, "Ethan is a very good boy

and did so well having his picture taken with me."

Yes, indeed! He is a good boy and we are blessed to be a family.

May the magic, wonder and mystery of Christmas come to life in you this Christmas Eve.

More Vancouver Adventures

2009-12-21T14:11:00.001-08:00

We continue to have wonderful adventures in Vancouver, BC. Above, you'll see a skyline picture from the Harbour, local wildlife in Stanley Park, pictures from the Vancouver aquarium (where Ethan got his first hand painting), Rosie standing next to the historic Gastown "steam" clock, the Stanley Park Christmas train, and other goings-on, including a ferry trip to Victoria, the capital of British Columbia! We enjoyed our visit with Rosie earlier this month. Enjoy! (Take note of Darth Vader the violinist.)

-----------------------------------------------------------
"One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began..." from "The Journey" by Mary Oliver

The Shortest Day of the Year

2009-12-21T13:49:00.000-08:00

People here and back home have asked, "How are you doing with the darkness?"

First answer: I haven't yet bought a sunlamp. YET.

Second answer: I'm really doing okay. The first week the early-dark arrived (4:30ish), I had to tell myself over and over, "It's not late; you're not tired." Once I broke that mind-body barrier, the dark really opened up for me. The early sunset reminds me of the early east-coast sunset that I enjoyed while at Duke.

Vancouver has a beautiful time of the day called twilight...when the sun has set but it's not yet night. I enjoy walking home in twilight and now understand why it's a perfect time of the day for spooky stories with vampires.

The other coping mechanism for me is calling it not "the dark" but rather "the night." And, just as God called "the day" good, God also called "the night" good. I'm telling myself that there's nothing inherently wrong with the night. And it's not a bad thing. It's just the night.

I also wonder that if the day has restorative qualities then so too the night. It must be restorative in its own way and bring its own gifts to my life.

I think the greatest challenge to "the night" is keeping the house cleaned. I'm noticing my housekeeping organization to be slipping as the days are growing shorter. Now that we are back in a condo, it's not so much about keeping things clean (that's the easy part). The challenge is keeping things organized...trying to find a place for everything in a very small place. Good thing today is the shortest day of the year...I will be ready for a good spring organization.

Stop Shopping and the Image of Christmas

2009-12-17T07:53:00.000-08:00

I taught a 3-week class on Borg and Crossan's, "The First Christmas" this month. It hit me how much of the Nativity story is really a "still life" portrait painted by Matthew and Luke. Sure, there's a little movement, but for the most part, the story is about everyone making it to the Nativity so that the picture can be taken for all generations to come and adore.

It is not surprising that the story of Jesus' birth would be communicated in an image as most of the people who heard the story for 16 or so centuries would be illiterate.

A picture is worth a 1,000 words, and, if I couldn't read, then what would I learn about the birth of Jesus from seeing the picture? This question has led me to this prayer when I see a Nativity, and, even when I see a Santa Claus picture: God, what do you want me to know about this story because I've seen this picture?

It's not just the Nativity that has been sentimentalized over the centuries. The Santa story has also been sentimentalized over the centuries and like the tale of a big fish, myth-i-cized. There's much to the original St. Nicholas that had much to do with the original Nativity: a light shining in the darkness and kindness, compassion, and relationship.

This month, I watched Morgan Spurlock's, "What would Jesus buy?" which is a documentary of the national tour undertaken by "The Church of Stop Shopping." One of the basic teachings of the pastor of this church is that we aren't consuming at Christmas--we are really being consumed. In other words, buying doesn't fill the void of relationships.

I'm thankful for this different way to look at the Nativity, and, the Santa Claus story this year, even if it is only a small counter-balance to the consumerism that I'm participating in as I buy, wrap, mail and assemble.

Since everything else is different for us, then it makes sense that the Nativity story should be a little different this year too. Good thing it's the same God.

Conversions

2009-12-11T12:36:00.000-08:00

I must have had some emotional and mental cells released this week in order to tackle another step in the Canadian conversation process: BC car registration. The major repair our US car needs to be accepted in Canada is automatic daytime running lights. I guess these are standard on cars built in/for Canada.

I have automatic turn-on-in-the-dark lights, but that's not good enough for Canada, eh? So, I'm paying $400 because BC cannot trust me to remember to turn my headlights on when I drive my car.

I wonder what it is inside us when things shift like this, something that wasn't important to us yesterday becomes important to us today. It's almost like there is a release of one thing so that the heart or mind can take hold of something else.

Expectations

2009-12-09T20:18:00.000-08:00

Ethan and I said goodbye today to Aunt Rosie after her week visit here in Vancouver. We drove her to the Seattle airport and had a lovely drive there and back. Just a few minutes ago, as I was rocking Ethan to sleep, he pointed to his bedroom door and said, "Out there." After insisting on whatever it was that was out there, I asked him, "Ethan, what's out there". And he then did his baby-sign for Rosie. So I explained that Rosie had to go to her home in Texas and that she was still "out there even if we can't see her" and she would come back one day soon.

That moment was so pure and wonderful and it just makes my heart sing to see Ethan building relationships with other people.

It's this idea of "out there" that sustains me in this world...knowing that "out there" is something good that will soon come my way, and, our family's way. I received a phone call today from a good Dallas friend who shared with me that she is pregnant, and, that another mutual friend of ours was also expecting twins. That means I know of 5 babies waiting to be born in Texas! Talk about something being "out there." Congratulations to all these families!

There's new life all around even in these cold days that keep growing shorter here in Vancouver. I feel really blessed tonight by the visit that we have had, and, the exciting weeks that are to come! We talk each night about Santa and stockings and presents, and yes, even the Nativity too. It will be fun to see how much Ethan "gets it" on Christmas morning.

Adventing again

2009-11-30T22:14:00.000-08:00

I met today with much thankfulness and deep gratitude. I have looked forward to this day since about late October when I knew all that would be accomplished between then and now.

If September was a blur, and then if October was the first real month here, and then if November happened to be a month that included a quick return trip to Texas combined with good work to do at church as well as the first sermon at the new church, then December would mean that life would begin to find a new normal.

It's not so much December that is telling me its time for a new normal, it's more the season of Advent that is announcing once again that when you wait and while you wait, there's always hope.

Advent is that beginning-of-the-year Christian-celebration that most Christians don't know about. It's one of many of our best kept secrets of our faith, and I will always appreciate growing up in a church that shaped its life around the church year and taught me at a young age customs and rituals that still teach me even today.

Besides the continued creative work that I'm getting to do at this church trying to understand and build a ministry around Adult Faith Formation, I had the opportunity to preach my first sermon with this congregation.

And it's important for me to use the phrase, "preach my first sermon with this congregation...." I knew that moving from the midwest to the west coast, then from America to Canada, and then from Dallas to Vancouver, and then from Methodism to United Church of Canada, would mean that the congregation would have much to teach me about ministry. In addition to feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit with me yesterday in the words that I spoke, I also felt the support of the people.

Advent teaches me every year that from the empty and dead places of life, hope can spring anew at any moment. Each year I learn this lesson in a new way. And this year, I'm learning it again. That at any moment, there's hope to be found.

I think what made my day yesterday--the first Sunday of Advent--more than the sermon, more than the scent of fresh pine as congregation members made Advent wreaths for their home following worship--was the phone call I received last night from friends in Texas. They have so wanted to expand their family and they phoned to share that they were expecting.

That's it -- that's Advent! I practice Advent so that when the season is long passed, I will remember to look for hope.

Happy Thanksgiving, USA!

2009-11-26T12:22:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving Day to the United States and all my fellow citizens!

It's strange that here in Vancouver it's life like any other day. Troy is working; and, I managed to maintain a little bit of the Thanksgiving spirit by choosing to work from home on my sermon for Sunday...and catching a bit of the Macy's day parade every so often. Sarah got an extra rawhide this morning so she happily snacked as I worked on my sermon. I'm about to meet a colleague for a planning/Thanksgiving lunch, then, off to the office!

I'm not feeling like I'm lacking as we had a wonderful Canadian Thanksgiving Day in October. And, even here far away from family and friends, I can still count my many blessings.

A year ago, life was a bit dark for us, but this year we celebrate good and continued health for Troy! Ethan is growing and growing and growing...he's grown 2 cm (.79 inches) since turning 18 months on Oct. 17. This morning, he helped put on his shirt and pants.

So, we miss our US friends and family and send you love and blessings this Thanksgiving Day.

Everybody poops

2009-11-23T13:56:00.001-08:00

I think if I had a week where I could stay at home with Ethan, we could get some serious potty training done. He manifests all the classic signs of "getting it," including today when we took Sarah for a walk. As she squatted in the grass, Ethan stood beside her, squatting, looking down between his legs and saying to me "poop." That's right, my man, that's what is happening. Potty training may have to hold off to the week between Christmas and New Year's when not only is mommy more readily available, but daddy is too.

But this is a blog post about more than poop, I just happen to really love that title of the children's book, "Everybody poops."

It's almost like pooping is the one thing left that every human being has in common in this day and age when the twin powers of isolation and polarization seek to push people apart.

And perhaps the simple sentence, "Everybody poops," should have been a starting point for me last Friday night when I tried to build a homiletical bridge between myself, a heterosexual Christian minister, and a room of 80+ people who identify themselves as transgendered, gay or lesbian. (Also present, although fewer in number, were heterosexual friends of GLBT peoples.)

I was asked to give a brief homily bearing witness to the names of those who had been killed this past year because of violence towards transgendered people as well as bring a word of hope to the room that would allow people to leave into the night with the tiniest bit of hope possible.

So, I thought I did just that. I tried to remain neutral from a God-perspective, speaking of the One whose Love is greater than love, etc, while remaining true to who I am as a Christian minister. (Just a quick shout out to Dr. Jennings who taught me in seminary that I--a person baptized in the Christian faith--can only know God through Jesus so I cannot put Jesus on the shelf and speak about a God as if apart from Jesus I can know anything of this God. This isn't a way of denying other ways of knowing God; it is the way of being true to how I know God.)

I tried to encourage people to practice compassion towards those who hate, but more than anything, practice compassion towards themselves by understanding that even if the world says you are less than, God says you are whole.

And then I said Amen and sat down.

And then a young man ran up on the stage and with passion and great feeling spoke about how Christians persecuted the people of the First Nations (Canada's name for Native Americans) and how the Christians were the ones who killed, raped and abused, and if it wasn't for Christians, transgendered people would also not be persecuted.

Let me just say, in his worldview, Christians are not good people. In his life, Christians as a group have caused a lot of pain either personally and/or in the stories he has been told about his world.

I was a bit taken aback by his protest. You see, it's not a Midwest thing to jump up and disagree with the speaker in such a public way. It took a few seconds to shift to the firm foundation of realizing this was not about me in a personal way. And when I made that shift, I felt a deep sorrow for Christianity and such compassion for him.

If such a simple message as "God loves you" gets snared in the river of pain that runs between the two lands, then how can bridges be built between two polarized groups? In this case, either between Christians and transgendered, gay and lesbian people who feel condemned by the church, or in the other case, between Christians and First Nations peoples. (I do want to add that at Exploration two weeks ago, a probationary member who is also Native American from the Oklahoma Missionary Conference gave her testimony in such a powerful meditation that it too convicted the church for exploitation of her people, and, you could hear a pin drop in the room when she spoke.)

What do we share in common that can at least help in the building of a bridge?

It's a little flippant, but as I have asked myself that question the last 2 days, I keep coming back to that answer...everybody poops.

Maybe what unites us is not that we all have hopes and dreams, blah, blah, blah, but at the basic core of all of us, we poop. Which means we have physical needs. Which means what we want most in this world is the access to those things that bring about security out of which these needs can be met.

Alley entrepreneurs

2009-11-18T14:58:00.001-08:00

I have a renewed energy since returning to Vancouver. I applied this energy in a unique way today...So for the first time since my move, I took our empty wine bottles back to the BC Liquor Store in an effort to practice recycling. I took my 35 cents and immediately applied it towards a $17 Cotes-du-Rhone bottle that is on our favorite lists.

I mentioned to the cashier that this was my first time to return bottles since moving to Vancouver. (I confess--it's somewhat not too convenient to push a stroller and carry empty wine bottles back to the store with you.) She agreed on the inconvenience part and said, "You know, I started leaving my empty bottles in alleyways for the alley entrepreneurs. That's how they make their money and it saves me a huge hassle and I don't miss the few cents I would get in return."

Great idea! I can recycle and support the local alley entrepreneurs--and, it's more convenient.

Being gone and coming home

2009-11-18T14:07:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the long stretch of time since the last blog post. My laptop of five years came to an unfortunate end after finding itself in the hands of a curious toddler and unable to call for help until it was too late and crashed on the floor. That event happened 2 days before Ethan and I travelled to Texas for Exploration 2009, a United Methodist-event focused on helping young adults discern a call to ministry. There was no time then to replace my laptop so for the first time in a very, very long time, I spent about a week "unplugged."

You might be thinking, "Texas isn't off the grid; surely you could have found Internet there." Yes, I did have access to Internet in the hotel lobby, but it just wasn't the right energy in that space to reflect on: 1. the experience of attending Exploration again for the second time after 15 years of the journey; 2. the experience of Ethan's first sleepover away from mom and dad; and 3. the experience of not just returning to Texas, but to Dallas, for the first time since the move.

So, let's start with No. 3: returning to Texas...it really wasn't like I returned to Texas, just to be fair and to keep my friends from feeling like they were ignored. Yes, I did see a few friends, including a visit to the Wesley Study Group, but for the majority of the time, I stayed inside the walls of the Sheraton Hotel. So for those I didn't get to see--I will see you next time. For those I did see, thank you for our time together that felt like sacraments of God's grace on this journey.

Now, No. 2: Ethan's first sleepover...he's such a great kid. After an initial parting cry at the airport (nothing in the world to break your heart like a toddler clinging to your shirt crying, "mommy"), he did fine. He adapted to his new surroundings, found chores like feeding my aunt's cats to keep himself busy in his new environment, and then met me at the airport upon return with the best greeting ever. He smiled so big and then entered this game of alternating between hugging me tight, then pulling back to look at me in the eyes. He also had a growth spurt this past week. Upon return, Ethan is now taller than Hannah.

Now the last one, No. 1: the experience of attending Exploration again after 15 years on the journey of ministry. It was good for my soul. I was reminded again to stay committed to the spiritual practice of discernment. My mentor pastor who worked with me at the time that I first went to Exploration, told me often that what got him through a lifetime of ministry was asking himself everyday this question: "God, what would you have me do today?"

A good question for all of us to ask...God, what would you have me do today? Through the past 15 years, I've added a second question, "God, what would you have me be today?" Doing and being--the human condition.

My experiences at Exploration--seeing young adults sincerely discerning the direction of their lives, sharing time with seminary classmates, and hearing the experiences of others in ministry--reminded me to keep believing. I will keep believing that this Jesus-thing is real, in spite of how we Christians over the centuries have misunderstood the man. I will believe in the Church-universal for my entire life (that's a given), and, this conference reminded me to give the church-local a break every now and then, to step back and be an observer of its antics and just keep trying. I will believe in myself and look for God's everyday minuscule miracles in my ordinary life. And most of all, I will believe that this Vancouver-thing is an on-purpose turn in what ordained people call a "ministry career."

A close friend/colleague looked me straight in the face, half-joking, half-sincere and asked, "Why did you move?" And I replied, "That's a great question." If I'm honest with myself, we moved for Troy's job, yes, and we also moved for this thing called adventure. And my great adventure landed in the midst of those living out the ordinariness of life in Vancouver, but it's no less an adventure for me.

And I believe the United Church of Canada has something to teach me, and those lessons, I believe, will be part of my ministry in the UMC one day.

The next two weeks are full--and, it's not full with turkey. This Friday night, I'm speaking at the Transgendered Day of Remembrance event here in Vancouver. All over the world--including on SMU's campus in Dallas, TX--people will remember those who lost their lives due to violence towards transgendered people. I'm assembling an Advent/Christmas season daily devotional booklet written by and for the members of St. Andrew's Wesley. And, last but not least, I'm thrilled to be preaching for the first time at St. Andrew's-Wesley on Nov. 29. See, even in a country where Thanksgiving is not celebrated on the 4th Thursday of November, the associate pastor STILL preaches on the Sunday following. I found that quite humorous to come all this way and my first preaching date at this church is the day that most associates fill the pulpit back in the states.

Returning to Texas

2009-11-06T13:08:00.001-08:00

Ethan is taking a much needed Friday afternoon nap and I'm watching the clouds roll over the mountains heading towards downtown squeezing out the few rays of sun we had about an hour ago. In a recent blog post, I described the cloud cover and shade of gray as "familiar." That was inaccurate -- I should have described it like a "I'm still getting to know you-shade of gray."
I'm going back to Texas on Sunday. Sam Champion from Good Morning America told me it was 79 degrees in Dallas today. Now I'm remembering what I didn't like about Texas...
I'm not necessarily going to Texas for reunions--in fact, I don't have much time while there to see everyone I would like to see and hear what's going on in their lives. I'm headed to the States to be part of Exploration 2009 -- a bi-annual Methodist event held for young adults exploring a call to ministry. I've served on the design team these past 2 years and now I get to experience the event coming to completion. I'm really excited for the young adults who will gather.
This is my second time to attend Exploration. The first time was in 1994 when I attended as a sophomore in college, a few months after articulating for the first time that I felt a calling to ministry. I believe the event was in Chicago, maybe. And the experience was larger than what my life was at the time.
20 years ago I was a freshman in high school. 15 years ago I was a sophomore in college attended Exploration. 10 years ago I was ordained. 5 years ago I participated in Power of Self-Leadership Training for Women, and, I met Troy. This year we moved to Vancouver. It seems that every 5 years something major enters my life that causes a significant shift and really lets something completely new into my life. In between the 5 years, there are pretty major things that have happened that have caused life to shift and change in radical ways that are wonderful...Ethan being one of the most amazing shifts.
I'm not sure what it will be like to go back to Texas (one thing in and of itself) and then to attend Exploration 15 years later. It's been an interesting journey these past 15 years -- a lot of push-pull, a lot of wondering why me and wouldn't some else be better suited, a lot of late nights in hospital rooms, a lot of naming resurrection in the midst of death.
I think God calls people all the time. 15 years ago, I thought the only valid response to that call was to go to work in the church. And so I went to work for the "church" and found that it is "church" AND it is bureaucratic structures that are often anything but the "church"--structures locked firmly in-place at the local church level and conference level.
After 2,000 years, which shows that the church somehow has figured out how to change with the times, I find that most local churches lack whatever chemistry is needed to foster innovation. And this lack of innovation within the current denominational structure will give rise to the next manifestation of church. Because as Jesus said, If we remain silent, the rocks will cry out. I think history will show that this time in which we live is a transition time for a church that increasingly remains silent. We probably in this generation won't get to see what church will change into, but we will live through the tension of watching what-the-church-has-been fade into the background. I don't think we, the current church, are at-fault for this fading; it's just a time of changing seasons and we are the ones playing the parts in the current story. And the good news is that God will still be God at the end of this story. If everything else changes, at least this is "familiar," like the grey clouds are becoming.

Vancouver, you had me at first bite

2009-11-05T15:33:00.000-08:00

One of the good things of moving to a more international city is that you have more international cuisine (Translation: There's more to life than just Tex-Mex). Vancouver is a unique international city and is known as the foodie's food town. My favorite chef and travel writer, Anthony Bourdain, called Vancouver his favorite food city. Several friends have emailed me articles they've read recently about Vancouver and especially the food options.
There is a unique fusion to the food in this city...one of the best fish and chips restaurants in Richmond is also an Indian restaurant. You would never know--by taste or smell--while eating the crispy fish with batter that melts in your mouth that you could have instead chosen butter chicken as a meal.
There are also a number of restauranteurs who are making their way in this foodie world as small business owners. So I miss my friend Hector and Hector's on Henderson and the ability to eat at a restaurant and know the person who is behind the concept and who is living out their calling by opening their doors everyday. I smile and think of him when I see people like him trying to do the same thing here in Vancouver.
Today's blog entry, though, is dedicated to my friend, Greek food, which I just can't seem to get enough of. There just wasn't enough Greek options in Dallas-surprised to hear this? For now, I have now found my favorite Greek restaurant as well as my favorite Greek take-away. Stepho's and Babylon Cafe--you both have part of my hummus-and-souvlaki-heart.
Ethan loves the rice at Babylon Cafe. I've never seen a kid stuff food in his mouth like he eats this rice. So I'm wondering, what's in the seasoning of seasoned Greek rice? I'm now on the hunt for recipes so I can learn to make this at home.
On my way to Stepho's for lunch today (besides being delicious, it is also very economical), a gentleman was asking for change in a very unique way. He was holding a sign that said, "Which sex is the most generous?" His cardboard tray was divided in half, one marked "women" and the other marked "men." When I walked by, the men were ahead by 43 cents. I think that result had less to do with generosity and more to do with the competitiveness of the male gender (not to make a broad generalizations). The question could have been: Which gender is more likely to respond with action when told that the other gender was ahead?
But back to the Greek food -- I'm loving the opportunities to savor the flavors of the Mediterranean. I've decided if it's a good Vancouver day, eat Greek. And when it's a not-so-good Vancouver day, eat Greek!

you to halloween happy!

2009-10-31T21:10:00.000-07:00

Recognize the smile of a toddler who has had one too many m&ms? We had a very fun day today! Hope you did too!

The day before Halloween and the arrival of the Olympic torch

2009-10-30T12:15:00.000-07:00

I enjoy morning shows on the day of/day before Halloween because the anchors and hosts dress for the occasion as well as the audience. A cute baby dressed as a beautiful bird on one show and a creative woman disguised as an octopus with a baby attached to each "arm" on another show. I wish I would have stopped there; the hosts' costumes that came later in the morning were just not good. Canadian broadcasting tried to help-out by interrupting morning programming with a live feed of the arrival of the Olympic flame in Victoria. That ceremony felt a little unrehearsed so pretty quickly they returned to regular programming. (If you want to interrupt this blog posting, then click here to see the route the flame will take around Canada.) What was actually really scary was Barbara Walters' dressed as a witch. Something about the make-up and the costume and how she interpreted the character really made her look like that old woman's house you never wanted to go to on Halloween night. Then, it was almost too much to see Kelly Ripa and Regis Philbin "re-enact" the Justin Timberlake SNL spoof on Beyonce's song, "If you like it put a ring on it."
So, Ethan, Sarah and I left for our morning walk. The sun tried to wrestle its way through the Vancouver cloud cover. We enjoyed about 5 minutes of its rays before the clouds closed in and the familiar shade of grey surrounded us. We had a beautiful walk along the seawall. Sarah was more interested in the seagulls and Ethan was more interested in what he calls the "boat-boats" (aka boat-planes).
I'm wondering these days about the swine flu vaccine. Canada purposefully delayed the administration of the swine flu vaccine to allow for more doses to be gathered. The vaccine was dispensed this week to children with underlying health conditions as well as older people with underlying health conditions. I've heard Ethan's age group is eligible for the vaccine beginning on Monday. When I called the clinic, they said they had to wait until they received a memo from the proper agency before the next group of kids would be vaccinated.
I've spoken with several moms who are unsure of whether or not to vaccinate their children. A US pediatrician now living in Vancouver who I spoke with last week said she would be vaccinating her children as soon as they were eligible, so that helped me have a benchmark in the vaccination debate.
Maybe I'm not as tuned into the news this fall as I was last spring, but there seems to be less hype about the pandemic and yet I hear numbers that seem significant in terms of how many people are getting sick each day and how many deaths there have been so far.
On the elevator the other day, my neighbor encouraged me to get Ethan vaccinated before the world arrives for the Olympics. I had not thought about the Olympics bringing together the world and the world's germs. Globalization occurs at all levels, including germs.
Now that I think about it, that's one costume I did not see this morning at all: the swine flu germ. That would have been creativity at its best; and much better than seeing most of the hosts' costumes displayed this morning. If you see someone dressed as the swine flu germ this year (and even better, a couple with the other person dressed as the vaccine), send a photo. They would win best dressed in my book.

Tired and awake

2009-10-26T13:54:00.001-07:00

The video is a little dark as the sun is now setting before dinnertime and our condo doesn't have much in terms of overhead lighting, but I still think you can enjoy Ethan's new game "Tired and Awake."

Fire alarms and towers

2009-10-26T13:29:00.000-07:00

Sunday morning at 1 am, the fire alarm went off in our building. Ethan didn't cry or become scared by the loud sounding alarm. Once jackets were on and leashes hooked up (Sarah's, that is), we were on our way down 19 flights of stairs. Sarah was motivated by the the couple in front of us who were carrying their cat. It was about 45 minutes before we were allowed to return upstairs. Ethan went back to sleep fairly quickly; it took Troy and I about 2 hours before our bodies settled down once again.

We were both surprised the next morning when Ethan remembered the middle-of-the-night-event by walking over to the hallway and pointing to the fire alarm on the ceiling. This video was taken late in the day Sunday after he had "told" the story several times. This time, he picked up his jacket as part of his telling of the story.

In the past 4 days, Ethan's grasp of vocabulary is expanding in new ways. He is now repeating words to us...he surprised me yesterday with his clear pronunciation of the word "yellow." In addition, he is speaking baby-language sentences and I can hear in his vocal patterns when the sentences are statements or questions. It's a fun stage to be in--The boy is on the way to English language!

Realness continued

2009-10-23T14:00:00.001-07:00

Life's graceful gift is that each day starts new. After my confession of realness that this transition hasn't been all roses, I found myself asking, "And are you surprised by that?" Transition is going to have good days and not so good days and the key is embracing the better days and on the not so good days, know that tomorrow is a new one. This is a start-over like all the other kinds of start-overs experienced in life. There is a great line in a book that I'm reading at the moment: "Small moments end up defining our life." (Sue Johnson, "Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.")
I think this will be my new mantra: "Small moments end up defining my life." I'm so intrigued by this idea of who I am in the small moments and who do I want to be in the living of those moments. As my best friend said, "There's a lot of drama in your life right now," so instead of seeing it as overwhelming or interpreting it as drama, I want to choose to just let it be what it is, let go of any of the "mental chewing" that doesn't lead anywhere helpful. What would it be like to view my life as a comedy? To learn to laugh at what unfolds and take it all a bit less seriously. I might be keen on that (keen: my new Canadian word).
Last night, I asked Troy if he read my blogpost, wondering how he felt about my confession of how I'm feeling about all of this. He said he did. And then was silent. So I asked if he had any comments. And he smiled really big and said, "You know, maybe it's just me, but I just don't get it when you say, 'I'm just living in the moment'." And we both chose to laugh about that because it is a more touchy-feely phrase to someone who graduated from Texas A&M, serving in the Corp, obtaining an architecture degree and then going on to business school. It's not his world all the time, but I'm glad I get to introduce him to the concept every now and then.
"Small moments end up defining my life." What will the next small moment hold? I predict it might be Ethan...he is waking from his nap.

Realness

2009-10-21T14:21:00.000-07:00

I just read a friend's recent blog post and I am inspired by her honesty and her humanity and her willingness to be vulnerable to her blog world. I'm not sure who is in her blog world--she is a mommy, so I'm guessing family and extended family, and she is a professional--so I'm sure her c0-workers read, and she's active in her church--so probably her church friends too. One of the challenges for me in keeping a blog is trying to come to peace with who reads my blog while letting go of self-editing of what I want to express because of who might possibly be reading. I find that it's easy for my blog to move into a place of being "cute" stories (like the one about ziti) or pictures of the most handsome little boy in the whole wide world (I'm not biased or anything) in an effort not to offend anyone, or, say anything that might incriminate me from working in a church again.

I just want to join my other blog friend in her moment of honesty and just take a moment to be real about this move to Vancouver. So it's a great move for Troy and I'm so happy to see him thriving in his career. It's so important for the male species to be fully engaged in their work.

It has been a tougher move for me. I'm thrilled to have more time with Ethan, and, in the same breath, I'm going to say I struggle with what it means to work part-time and how part-time work in a different denomination fulfills my calling and identify as a minister. It's been very helpful the past three weeks to work with another colleague on this question of what is call and vocation. If vocation is how I live my life--the kind of person I am on the inside when no one else is looking, to quote Rob Bell--then maybe the gift of this season in Canada is that I have the time and space to figure out who this person is making her way through this thing called life.

For as long as I said while I was in Texas that I was fulfilled being an associate pastor, I realize now that maybe that just wasn't the case. I do feel called to use the gifts of researching and writing and public speaking in a meaningful way in the life of a congregation. And I like working with organizational structure and helping organizations move towards increased effectiveness.

I love the idea of being a writer and my dream is to somehow create the kinds of books that I like to read, you know the realness of Anne Lamott, but I'm just not sure of the first step.

But even deeper than vocation, or being a preacher or a writer, I'm really hungering for friendship. I miss friends in Texas, and I'm missing them in ways that make me see how I didn't treasure them enough when I lived there. I miss my BFF from seminary. We are still BFFs but we are far apart so we don't get the same day-to-dayness of friendship. I would give her an organ if she ever needed it. I don't know how to make friends here in Vancouver and I don't know how to gauge if I'm doing enough to make friends. I miss the kinds of friends who I can talk with about silly stuff, about hairstyle trials and tribulations, about husbands, about health, about wanting to lose baby weight and not knowing how--I miss friends who I can cry with or just watch a sappy movie with. I think I'm missing friends enough to buy most anyone a plane ticket right now to come and see us in Vancouver.

And above all of this, what I want the most is that I'm the kind of mom who can launch an incredible child into this world -- who can learn to love deeply, pursue big dreams and be able to live boldly in this challenging world. Am I doing the right things to create this kind of child (must be the question every mom asks)?

I'm growing weary of chewing over events of the past, stories that I reply in my head on a regular basis, situations and scenarios and dreams that didn't turn out the way that I had hoped or expected. I wish there was a way to turn down that volume of wondering how things could have been different (there's that pesky word "could" again).

What I give thanks for is that I can live in this moment, enjoy the realness of the words I just wrote, savor the last sip of hot tea with milk, and hear the stirrings of my baby boy from his afternoon nap.

Gotta run, it's mommy and Ethan time.

They don't know what ziti is

2009-10-21T12:47:00.001-07:00

(Author's note: Those involved in this story were told that this event was definitely going to be a blog entry.)

At our monthly staff meeting yesterday, we were discussing our upcoming staff day-apart. As with all church staffs, a very important discussion when it comes to planning day-aparts concerns food. I said, "If we are all meat-eaters in the group, I will bring baked ziti." And there was a unanimous "what?" (with the exception of one other person who was American some years ago).

And I said, "you know, ziti."

And the reply back was, "What are you saying?"

Bewildered, b/c we Canadians and Americans both speak English, I repeated, "Baked ziti."

And the reply, "How do you spell that?"

Wondering if this really was a cultural difference, I replied, "z-i-t-i."

And the reply, "What letter does it begin with?"

Me: "z"

Them: "What is 'z'?"

Me: (Thinking to myself, do Canadians not have the letter "z"?)

Them: We don't have a "z" we have a "zed."

Me: (Aloud now) Okay, you really don't know what ziti is. (To myself, what is this "zed" about?)

The other American in the room: I'm even surprised that Canadians don't know what ziti is.

So, for all my Texas friends who've been asking about the differences between here and there, this is an unexpected one: Canadians don't know what baked ziti is. I did check Wikipedia and baked ziti, to my surprise, is considered an American Italian dish. Last night, I checked the grocery store pasta aisle. Plenty of penne pasta but no ziti shells.

Sleep training

2009-10-18T19:40:00.001-07:00

Sleep training with Ethan was easier for me then when he was a baby. I'm struggling with sleep training now that he is a toddler. "What to Expect the First Years" stressed that the sleep habits established between 18-24 months are vital in successful bedtimes in the 2s and 3s.

I wonder why sleep training this time around is harder? We have more of a routine now...bath time, then 30 minutes of reading/play, followed by a final 15 minutes of cuddling and rocking. What's different is that now when he protests (which he's doing at the very moment) he can use words like "mommy" in the middle of his cries. And I just want to be help comfort him.

But the voice persists--if he can't learn to fall asleep on his own now, then just wait until the 2s--so I'm saying a little prayer for my little man that he can find bedtime to be just as "okay" as naptime (which he still likes!)

Canadian Thanksgiving 2009

2009-10-12T13:41:00.000-07:00

What a delightful first Canadian Thanksgiving we have had. As you can see from the picture on the left, Ethan was a little cautious of the turkeys the day we were at the petting zoo. But when it came to having his first turkey on a Thanksgiving, he savored the cooked bird! We were blessed to share Thanksgiving with a wonderful family on Bowen Island (pictured above right: the 3 of us by the lake). This morning--the day after--Ethan decided the only thing to do was to try and ride Sarah (above left). (Please know, Ethan tries to do this often with Sarah ever since he had a pony ride at the school last spring. She does not let him sit on her for very long. This pic only happened b/c my camera was in my hand at the moment he sat down!).

Canadians have the flexibility of cooking and enjoying their meal on Sunday or Monday. The menu was quite similar, except that in our case the meal was served at dinner time. I know in America people have their meal at lunch or dinner, but it seems that often the American meal is planned for early afternoon followed by long siestas around a football game followed by Thanksgiving leftover "stuffing" sandwiches.

Last night's meal was simply wonderful. I found myself this morning wishing that I had offered the chefs more congratulations for a meal well done. I think that I was just so fully absorbed in the wonderful tastes and smells and sights and sounds and the warmth of the fire that all I could do was simply just "be" in the mix of it all. I wonder about those moments in life when they are simply "enough" as is, no commentary needed, just absorption of all that is good and right about this world. Simple observance.

I woke this morning loving that feeling of such a good day the day before. I liked the feel of a holiday morning as Ethan, Sarah and I walked to the seawall with very little car or foot traffic. We watched the boat-planes land and take-off until little hands got too cold (time for mittens!). Canada does enjoy its Thanksgiving football also, and there is a double-header game going on this afternoon.

And now, time to plan some menus for the days to come...it's supposed to turn rainy tomorrow and stay for at least a week. Creeping towards the rainy season of Vancouver feels a little like being on the uphill of a roller coaster. With each "tick" of the track, we are one bit closer to the plunge into the season ahead.

Happy Thanksgiving Canada

2009-10-10T14:18:00.000-07:00

My Sour Cream Pumpkin Streudel Bundt Cake just went in the oven. It has been several seasons since I've made this creation. The recipe dates back to my St. Andrew, Plano, days, and if I remember correctly, this recipe comes from Janie Owens or Bonnie Turner. Janie and Bonnie are both really great women and whether or not the recipe comes from them, it's nice to think of them this fall afternoon.
I chose this recipe for today because it is Thanksgiving for Canada this weekend. What is the American Columbus Day is the Canadian Thanksgiving Day. (You can read the history of how Canada chose the 2nd Monday in October as their Thanksgiving day on Wikipedia.)
So, Happy Thanksgiving Canada! A person recently commented that she felt like God was leading her and her family into a season of "hunkering down." Not so much in the way that you "hunker down" for the storm as if she was fearing something just over the horizon, but more in the sense of "hunkering down" to spend more time together and allow their bonds to grow deeper. As she described this discernment, I reflected on how beautiful a narration this is to the events in her life as well as a beautiful gift in itself to her family.
I'm guessing there are many seasons in life when the invitation is to "hunker down" with one another and just savor the deepening of the ties that bind us. Certainly holidays are part of those times when families and friends gather to allow those ties to grow, preferably in life-giving ways rather than binding ways, of course. And on the other hand, holidays are also times to reflect on ties that have been bound by conflict, and maybe the best that can be done is to offer a prayer for a day to come when relationship is restored.
I've often thought that one of the gifts in moving to Canada will be how Troy and I are brought closer together as we learn to lean on one another in new ways as well as build relationships with friends who didn't know us pre-Ethan or pre-marriage. Although Canada is a season of venturing out into new paths, this too is a time for us to "hunker down" as a family.
Whether it's a rainy day, or a holiday, or just a regular-old day, I hope I can practice this gift of "hunkering down," of just savoring my family and being aware of how the ties are growing deeper.

Two cool things about yesterday

2009-10-07T20:44:00.001-07:00

So two cool things happened yesterday. The first--I completed and passed the last interview needed to be considered "official" within The United Church of Canada (UCCan). The UCCan is a merger of Presbyterians, Methodists and Congregationalists, all the way back in 1925. It was a transconfessional merger and it is the only merger of Protestant denominations of this magnitude in the history of Protestantism. What I've realized is that the polity of this church is kind-of a puree of these 3 different denominational polities. I think it was the Congregational polity that allowed this local congregation to hire me first; then the "new polity" that had me apply at the national level; the Presbyterian roots that required the "Presbytery" to sign-off on me; and the Methodist roots that required the BC Conference interview process. Something about yesterday's process--meeting with people from across the Conference, lay and clergy--felt a little like home. When they told me that I was welcomed into their Conference, I felt that sense of collegiality that I have missed since physically leaving the North Texas Conference. I remain an Elder in The North Texas Annual Conference--it's just lonely all the way up here in Vancouver with the faces and names that I'm used to seeing and working with on a daily basis being so far away. So, I'm glad to be growing some new roots here.
The second cool thing that happened yesterday...I found out that the sermon I preached on Aug. 2 at First Church--the topic being who Christians are called to be in the midst of the healthcare debate--was selected by Texas Impact as the state-wide winner! At many moments in the process that is preaching, I felt this sense that this particular sermon was "larger" than me. Preaching is a living entity and at those moments in ministry when you feel this living Spirit in the midst of your words, it's humbling, awesome, and exciting. This sermon felt larger than me and it was one of those moments where I felt the "joy" of being a minister and preacher. The sermon was enough; and this honor is more than enough and I'm just thrilled that this message and my voice through Texas Impact can have a larger audience.
So it was a good Vancouver day yesterday; and today was a Kathryn-Ethan-and-Sarah day. I told Troy tonight that I'm really thankful to have this additional time with Ethan. There were many weeks the first year of Ethan's life when I didn't even have an entire day with him. And it just started to feel like I wasn't living into being a mom; it was more an extra to-do that I was juggling. This is the dilemma of being a working mom; you never feel like you are really present in either work or home. So I'm just really thankful to have days like today where we can take walks in the stroller, have lunch together, go to the park, and well, just play together.

Happy Fall!

2009-10-04T20:28:00.001-07:00

This was the view from Ethan's window Saturday evening as the sun began to set. Even Ethan took an extra moment to look at the beautiful colors.

We have had a wonderful weekend. First, an amazing Vancouver weather weekend! Ethan started Friday morning by taking an art class, and, that afternoon he held my hand and walked all the way around the block! (First time to hold hands and walk on the sidewalk together).

We enjoyed the delightful and savory and comforting Lebanese lentil recipe on Friday night. On Saturday, Ethan and I went to the Farmer's Market where I bought this coming week's "new" ingredients: eggplant and lamb. (Each week, I challenge myself to buy a vegetable, fruit or meat that I have not yet prepared; somewhat like a one-on-one Iron Chef, except it's elementary Iron chef.) Ethan bought a cranberry scone and managed to eat some and well, make a mess with the rest.

Today was church. It's still interesting and different learning this congregation and church culture. (That's a different blog post that's coming in its own time.) After church, the 3 of us went to a pumpkin patch that also had a petting zoo as well as farm animals on display--2 HUGE oxen, a llama, a horse, a mama pig and piglets, roosters. The petting zoo was a big hit with Ethan--he's all about the goats, and the goats were all about him. On the way home, we stopped at a local winery and enjoyed some fruit wine--from cranberries, strawberries, blueberries and apples.

We ended the day with dinner at the White Spot--the "famous" BC eatery. Ethan made a connection with a delightful elderly woman one table away. As we prepared to leave, he did another first--intentionally blew someone a kiss--and in reply, she said, "As cute as he is, may your tribe increase many more times."

She didn't know how much those words meant to me, and, I hope that God blesses that blessing! (in due time, of course).

So it's Sunday night and we have had a very full weekend. Canadian Thanksgiving is a week from today/tomorrow so it's all about fall here in Vancouver.

A video card thank you from Ethan Ransdell

2009-09-30T09:27:00.001-07:00

I'm quite proud of my tech-savvy soon who created this video thank-you card for the special present he received in the mail!

Dalai Lama's message fits busy, liberal society

2009-09-29T12:32:00.001-07:00

Dalai Lama's message fits busy, liberal society

Shared via AddThis

I mentioned in the video blog earlier this morning that it's a rainy day in Vancouver. It's not just a rainy day, two locals have now described it as a "downpour." Rain boots are definitely on the list for the next shopping trip.

I had a quick bite to eat at a little cafe near the home of Ethan's caregiver. (Translate for all you non-parents of toddlers: I had a quiet lunch by myself after settling Ethan into his home-away-from-home for the afternoon). I read the newspaper. Pure luxury.

Somewhere in the second section on the left hand side was this commentary article (link above) about the Dalai Lama's visit these past 3 days in Vancouver.

An easy-to-read article, certainly, but it seems like the writer brought nothing new to the conversation. Journalists seem to compete with one another to see how early into an article they can mention that religious organizations are no longer relevant in society today, as if this is a fact. I'm going back to English classes of old, as well as post-modern deconstructionism of new, and thinking, how can they present this as a fact when really, it's just an opinion. This idea that religious organizations have lost their relevancy is an opinion, an often-repeated opinion, and in a superficial world where depth goes no further than headlines, it's easy for opinions to morph into truths.

Maybe I'm biased, but I'm not yet ready to say that religious organizations have lost their relevancy. I'm also not ready to infer as this writer did in her article that somehow what makes the difference "better and more authentic" between the Dalai Lama and the Pope is how physically close you can get to one versus the other. Somehow the Dalai Lama is "better, more authentic and more humble" than the Pope simply because you could see him eating a cookie from across the room? Come on now, I bet the Pope likes to down a few Oreos and a glass of milk too. That's called human nature.

As the head of state and spiritual leader of Tibet, the Dalai Lama can claim the population of Tibet as his followers, some 2.62 million. Across the world, how do you count how many followers he has?

Compare this number to the Pope, who is the spiritual head of the Roman Catholic church which claims about 1.3 billion members around the world. We are dealing with an issue of sheer numbers, not accessibility or humanness.

When the Pope comes to a town, he will probably have more followers or members of this church, than the Dalai Lama in that particular town, which means "more" people will come out, making it harder for me and the newspaper writer, who I'm assuming is also not a follower of the Pope, to get close to him.

As I was having this internal dialogue with this writer (trust me, I wasn't speaking aloud at a table by myself) and came to her final point, which also irked me, I wished for her that she could have gone deeper. She makes a fantastic point that cultivating compassion is hard work, it doesn't come easy or overnight or in a bottle or in a formula. She even goes so far as to say compassion requires "training, cultivation and thought."

When I read that line, I became excited thinking maybe she will do what journalists do best...serve as the lonely prophet in this world crying out to governments, institutions and movie makers to change their ways and bad plots. Maybe she will be the first to realize that journalists can also be the prophet to the church--religious organizations--and maybe she will make the repentant turn towards the church and say, "Churches, synagogues, temples and the like...this is what we need you to help us to with...training, cultivation and thought."

But she didn't. She defaulted into the melancholic attitude that continues to breed superficiality. Her final line, after commenting about whether or not the Dalai Lama is leading people into real compassion, or just a pop icon: "And honestly, who cares if, even for a few minutes, hours or days, a few people are inspired to at least search for peace?"

See, as long as we let ourselves off the hook and believe that even just a few minutes of peace-searching are enough, we are doing more than ourselves a dis-service. Who really loses in our spiritual laziness under the banner of "churches are no longer relevant" are our children who will inherit the earth, and who will reap the fruit of our lazy planting season where we do the hard work of sowing seeds of compassion, and, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (The last part being a shout out to the apostle Paul.)

Oh wait, that's right, I think there is a children's book that speaks to this. When you are lazy in planting, there's no fruit to reap.

Rainy Days

2009-09-29T10:55:00.000-07:00

It is a rainy day in Vancouver and we are thankful for the indoor community center just a few blocks from our condo. Dressed in our rain gear, Ethan and I walked to the center and played in the indoor gym with all the toys a toddler could ever imagine. Ethan experienced a science lesson today when his hair stood on-end!

Rain in the winter is to Vancouverites what sun in the summer is to Texans. You just deal with it and go on your way. And the strappy summer sandle is to Texans what the fashionable rainboot is to Vancouverites. The only difference is no one knows what your toes look like in a rainboot!

On the way home from church today

2009-09-27T13:28:00.001-07:00

On the way home from church today, a funny thing happened. I carried a book of poems with me. So I read poems as I walked. I came to this poem just a block from the house:

"A Strange Feather" by Hafiz
All
The craziness,
All the empty plots,
All the ghosts and fears,

All the grudges and sorrows have
Now
Passed.

And I immediately thought to myself, "Wow, what a day to look forward to when this would be true" (not really fully acknowledging that this day probably means death because its human nature to have craziness and empty plots and ghosts and fears). And I just felt the fullness of what life might be like, doing a quick roll call of some of these things that just kinda linger in my life and how I wish they had
Now
Passed.

So I kept reading the poem:

I must have inhaled
A strange
Feather

That finally

Fell

Out.

And just at that moment, a tiny feather flew onto the page in my book.
I quickly brushed it off, and then realized, that feather was a tiny message.

I shared the experience with Troy, who acknowledged that it was a weird coincidence that the feather flew onto the page, and then he asked a good question, "What does the feather represent?"

On feeling comfortable, safe and secure

2009-09-23T13:52:00.000-07:00

I tried to compose a blog post on Wednesday but could not get through the beginning and the middle to reach a proper ending, so I saved the post. It's interesting that I was trying to blog about an experience walking in Vancouver. For the 2nd time on Wednesday, I tried to locate an underground mall that is not too far from our condo. The first time I set out to find it, I found a Sears store, much larger than I have ever seen and carrying brands that I did not know Sears could carry (Cole Haan and Hilfiger, anyone?). Troy told me that if I found the Sears, I was inside one of the flagship stores of this Underground Mall, but I could not find the way from Sears to the mall itself.

The 2nd time I looked for the mall was Wednesday. I found the Hudson Bay Co. store, a department store that is deeply ingrained in Canadian history. In a future blogpost, I will feature a picture of Ethan "modeling" a hand-knit sweater in the Hudson Bay colors, which was given to him by a member of St. Andrew-Wesley UCC.

Walking to the mall on Wednesday was another reminder of how diverse Vancouver is. From beggars on the street who have very creative slogans on their signs to people who appear homeless who stand on top of rocks singing at the top of their lungs. On any given walk, I experience the joy of people on vacation as well as the determined-walk of those on their way to work in the downtown district. The streets are busy and the intersections full, and when you are pushing a stroller through the crowd, sometimes I feel a little lost in the crowd.

After failing at my second attempt to find this indoor mall, and, not even achieving success in the rain boots market at Hudson Bay, I walked home feeling disoriented. It's that kind of feeling you have when no place looks like home, which it shouldn't look like because this is not home, yet. It wasn't so much that I felt "homesick," because I do feel like my life is here in Vancouver. What I realized is that because the buildings and street and people do not look familiar, life doesn't feel as comfortable and secure as it did back in Texas when the streets and the people and even the homeless were known.

So here's an excerpt from my unpublished Wednesday blog post: " Not knowing how to get places and not knowing where to buy things and not knowing who has the better prices is a common way of being in my life these days. I was thinking today on my walk home from Hudson Bay Co. about how this sense of being oriented to your surroundings produces feelings of comfort and security. How easy it was back in Dallas to know that if I wanted this item, I would drive here and quickly purchase it at the best price. That's a very comforting feeling in its own way. But why is that comforting and secure?"

How does what is known somehow qualify it as being comforting and secure? Late last night, as I read about the young man who thought he had joined a terrorist cell and was convinced that he could carry out jihad on America. And he chose a building in downtown Dallas. Five blocks from my last church; five blocks from where Ethan spent his days in daycare. I went to bed last night not knowing the full story--that undercover FBI agents first approached him inviting him into this fictitious cell, and that the undercover agents provided him with everything he needed: fake bombs, van, and cell phone programmed to call them rather than to serve as a detonation device.

And today, as I consider how just 48 hours earlier I had judged Dallas as safe and secure because it was known, and somehow felt Vancouver not as safe and not as secure simply because it was not known, I had to realize that there probably is no such thing as "safe." It is the luck of the draw that I was born in a country and now live in a country where war is not an everyday phenomenon. It is lucky for Ethan that he lives in a place where there is not a blockade on food that his young body needs to thrive and build not only healthy muscles and bones, but also a healthy brain. (And it is lucky for Sarah that she was born in a place where dogs are not eaten for food.--just had to throw that one in, but it is true.)

I send love and peace to my Dallas friends who are working through the emotions of "what if" and "how come." And today, having realized that words like "comfortable and secure" when it comes to where you live are a luxury in this world, I simply give thanks.

There...the blog post now has a beginning, middle and ending.

Walking to Church

2009-09-21T14:29:00.000-07:00

I love walking to church on Sundays. I really like being able to live this pedestrian lifestyle, but most times it includes me pushing a stroller and managing Ethan. On Sunday, it was just me, a beautiful Vancouver morning, and a precious cup of Starbuck's non-fat latte.
The walk to the church is uphill as we live closer to the seawall. It pretty much feels that no matter where we walk, even if it is round-trip, it often seems to be uphill. Half-way up the hill, I did a mental inventory of what I was carrying with me...notes for the first class I taught at the church, and, a lamp.
This lamp survived 8-hours of a Texas garage sale, overcoming a mark-down 3 different times, resisting the people who were looking at it, picking it up, turning it off, turning it on. This lamp must have really wanted to move to Vancouver.
It's not a bad lamp--it's from IKEA. It was in my office at First Church, and yesterday, it made its trip to be in my office at St. Andrew's-Wesley (aka StAW).
As I walked to church, I said to myself, "I'm living a parable. I'm like the bride's maids carrying their lamps to wait for the bride-groom." And it was funny to me that at 9:20 in the morning, I found myself walking to church in Vancouver carrying a lamp.
I think when we have moments like that, where Scripture seems to invade our daily living, it's important to live into the Scripture at that moment. So I asked myself which group of the bridesmaids I would be in right now, today...the 5 who were prepared or the 5 who were unprepared. Who was I waiting for? What am I waiting for? Am I prepared for the wait? And what followed was just an interesting dialogue with Scripture, life and me. (Don't worry--I wasn't speaking aloud...just musing internally as I walked to church).
Now the lamp that was determined to outlast the garage sale is now safe in my new office, waiting to shed more light on this thing called professional ministry.

Realizing you are living a gift

2009-09-19T01:53:00.000-07:00

So I'm typing in the middle of the night...shhh...everyone in the house is asleep. Even Sarah didn't bother to wake as I walked into the hallway to check Dad's laundry to make sure it was dry. He wants to go home to Texas today with clean clothes.

Today is the day -- Dad's going home day. Last night, I couldn't help to laugh when we were ordering our dinner on the BC Ferry while en route from Victoria, and dad ordered chicken teriyaki. See, if he only stayed for one more week, he probably would have been eating sushi.

(When I made that comment to him, he said it would take more than one additional week before he would be eating sushi.)

We had a much longer day to Victoria than expected, so when we finally arrived home sometime after 8 pm, Ethan was DONE with it all. After a quick change into pajamas and then a cold bottle of milk poured by Troy, I found myself in that all too familiar position of sitting in the rocking chair, baby stretched across my lap and arms, and lullabies playing in the background. Except this time, dad came in not to say goodnight to Ethan. Dad came in to say goodbye.

And the moment that dad leaned over and kissed Ethan goodbye, telling him that "Grandpa's going home tomorrow and I love you," seemed like one of those moments when time left its linear task and instead became a cairn on life's journey.

I've realized often since we left Texas on Aug. 14 what a gift it has been to have had a month with my dad. And I'm thankful that more than just realizing how special this time is to have had with my dad, I've been able to say it aloud to him at different places along the journey. I've been able to say thank you to my dad for not just doing what he was required to do by law--raise me--but also by being my friend into adulthood.

This past month has been a gift. Yes, it's been filled with all kinds of nervousness--some short-term nerves focused on where our hotel for the night would be or how would we find a "potty spot" for Sarah on the side of the road and keep everyone safe all at the same time--and some has been long-term nerves about what this life change will be like, whether it will be okay, and how does such a new place like this ever get to the place where it will feel like home again.

It would have been easy to miss the joy of the transition for all the unknowns that it held. But I'm thankful for the stories my dad and I now share -- the flies in New Mexico, the state trooper in Eureka, the beauty and loneliness of Highway 50, the connection with Doug and Shelley and Action and Flora in northern CA, the hotel under a freeway next to the drag racing stadium in Portland, the weariness in Oregon and Washington, the curiosity as we crossed the border, the relief when we made here, and the adventures we have had trying to find our way in and around Vancouver.

And I am so very thankful for those times when I could watch Ethan and my dad together. There's something beautiful about that grandparent-grandchild relationship and my only wish to make this move perfect would be that Vancouver and Wichita Falls and Hot Springs were next-door neighbors.

As my dad said, he's ready to go home because it's time for us--Troy, Ethan, Sarah and I--to be a family, and it's time for him to go back to his family and friends in Wichita Falls. It's time for this thing called life to go into another day and see what kind of adventures are next.

I'm so thankful to realize now, in this moment that I have lived a gift this last month with my dad. When Dad leaves in just about an hour, this move to Vancouver will become really real. And I'm holding on to Doug's encouragement, who has made many moves in his life, that he's never had a move where he hasn't looked back on it and have been thankful for what he learned, how he had to grow and how the new place shaped him.

Traveling mercies, Dad. I love you!

"You don't try to repeat the formula"

2009-09-15T18:34:00.000-07:00

An elaborate "memorial" was constructed a block from our apartment yesterday. Thinking it was something meaningful, my Dad and I asked the security person who/what was being remembered. He informed us it was a set for the tv series "Caprica."
If this Caprica is the same series that is identified in this Wikipedia, then we may be witnessing a rising star television series as I type! In less than an hour, the vacant set has been filled with equipment, actors, lights and lots of cables and cameras. Speaking of rising stars, also at the moment, I'm sitting on the floor Indian-style with a cute 25-lb rising star sitting in my lap who can now say "banana," and "more" and he's close on several other words! (Well, he just wiggled away so I can type a little more freely.)
The Wikipedia article references a director, in describing Caprica as a spin-off of Battlestar Galatica, "You don't try to repeat the formula... "
When in life do you repeat the formula and when do you not try to repeat the formula?
The director's comment is a good summary of how I'm thinking today about my new job at the church. I'm working with this congregation to help structure and create a Christian Formation/Adult Education experience. And I found myself asking today, "What has been the formula that Church has used up until now? I wonder about the 1950s formula that drives so many denominational churches...what about it do you repeat and what is there in that formula that you do not want to repeat?
I'm wondering how a church creates/structures a Christian formation program so that congregants move from the consumer-oriented/college-catalogue-of-offerings formula towards a way that forms people who practice Christian way of living. It's an easy question the surface and yet a more challenging question as you dig deeper into the layers. It calls into question attention span, willingness to do something that may not be easy to do, and an openness to ask the question again and again, "What is this thing called Christian?"
So, off we go into another grand experiment in this story called Church. I'm excited to see how God will work through this door that has opened.

Someone else's potty

2009-09-12T12:46:00.000-07:00

I need my mommy-friends and other experienced moms to help me with this one. We were playing at the community park this morning and Ethan wandered to another collection of strollers. As he was leaning down to stick his hand in a bowl on the ground, my brain realized that this wasn't any bowl, this was an IKEA potty chair. Before I could catch his hand, he was splashing away. Okay, the "ewww" factor was pretty high as I pulled him up by his arms and carried him way in front of me back to our stroller to be hosed down with wipes and anti-bacterial stuff.

As I carried Ethan like he had the plague, Dad asked what he had gotten into. I told him that I suspect human urine. Dad laughed. And then I said, "Who brings a potty chair to the playground?" As I considered the question, if you are potty training, then you probably do need a potty chair with you, but in my time on community playgrounds, I've never seen a potty chair in open area like that.

Does potty training REALLY happen on the playground? I'm not sure I want to tote a potty chair with me wherever I go. Wait--I am sure. I don't want to carry a potty chair with me wherever I go. Please, please, please, someone tell me that this is not what potty training is about.

I told my dad that if we are in a beautiful park one day and Ethan says, "Mom I gotta go," then he will learn the lesson of watering the tree before I carry a potty chair with me to the public park.

Good Friends and 100 years

2009-09-09T07:38:00.000-07:00

We were so blessed to host our first Texas visitors on Labour Day Monday in Canada. Not that we know the city much better, but we confidently walked around pointing out the interesting notes of this amazing town. They brought with them a recommendation of a wonderful Italian restaurant not far from our house...(Cathy, can you email me the name of it again?) so with Dad still in-town and a good babysitter, the four of us were able to enjoy an "adult" dinner. Delightful. It's hard to describe what it means to be able to sit still and focus for an entire meal on good friends, conversation, wine and food. This meal ranks as one of my favorites since coming to Vancouver but I also have to mention a "box meal" served at staff retreat last week made by Michael Kraus of Oneplanet catering. Michael delivered the "box meals" in handmade wooden boxes, almost like a lap-sized bento box, each box including a glass for water, real silverware, beautiful white ceramic dishes, and a cute ceramic salt-and-pepper turtle set to remind the person eating to go slow and enjoy her food. Michael uses natural/organic ingredients from the BC area.

This week, I obtained my Social Insurance Number, the Canadian version of the Social Security Number. As I sat at the young clerk's desk completing the application, he handed me the privacy notice of this particular office. The notice stated that the information obtained for the purpose of generating a social insurance number will remain on-file for 100 years.

I will be on-file in Canada until 2109. My best guess is that I will probably live until 2060 (85 years) or so. If that be true, then 59 years later, my information will then go through the protocol so that it is destroyed in a way that protects my identity. The part in me that loves genealogy imagined my great-great-great-granddaughter coming across this record and wondering what took me to Canada and what I did while I was here. Of course, if I stay in Canada the rest of my life, then perhaps she will be a Canadian and more surprised when she explores my Texas roots.

I don’t want to get too mushy at this point in the blog, and maybe it takes being so far from friends to finally understand that the totality of life is not just short, it passes so quickly. And one day very soon, it’s not just that we will all be dead, it’s also truth that we may not be remembered beyond being on-file in the Canadian government. How far back in your family do you know the generations? Yesterday, Ethan and I watched the Baby Einstein “Baby Shakespeare” DVD. I was captivated and nourished by how the writers interspersed Shakespeare’s poetry about cows and frogs and flowers and fall and winter and spring and summer with the simple images of kids’ toys. The poetry centered on the “still life” of the cow or the frog or the season. As I sat with Ethan in my lap, both of us enjoying this DVD for very different reasons, I realized nothing is still. Not life. Not time. Not Ethan. Not church. Not relationships. And about that time of thinking, Ethan wriggled down off my lap to move on to his next adventure of the evening. And I remained in the chair immersed in the fullness of the moment, and yet even then, realizing the same moment I was immersed in was now long gone.

No Reservations

2009-09-05T15:37:00.000-07:00

A favorite television show of ours is Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations. Somehow his mix of food, travel, wisdom, humor and sarcasm intermingle to create an enjoyable half-hour program that we both enjoy watching together. When we first began to explore this Vancouver option, we downloaded the No Reservations: Vancouver to find out what Bourdain thought of this place. And he absolutely loved it. Said it was one of his favorite cities in the world and sees why people live here. This is a foodie's town, he said.
A foodie's town and last night was Friday night and my dad, Ethan and I had a night on-the-town. Troy stayed home to assemble IKEA bookshelves, a task he was determined to accomplish in one night.
All 3 of us get out the door. We walk to the famous Robson Street and I tell dad, "Here you are in a city that is called a Foodie's paradise. Where do you want to eat dinner." And Dad's response? "McDonald's."
We ate on the outdoor patio of a McDonald's on Robson Street and enjoyed the beautiful evening and sunset. Who could ask for anything more? Anthony Bourdain, this is a Foodie's town!
Besides the food, we are working everyday to get settled. I am really surprised at how fast we have worked to unpack boxes and begin to organize everything. All pots, pans, dishes, cups, etc., have found their home. Ethan's room is coming together nicely, just way too many toys. Our new bookshelves--he did accomplish this fete of strength in one night--allowed us to unpack our books and treasures.
What I have noticed the past four days is that it takes a conscious effort to stay in-the-moment and expanded to all the opportunities and joys this place holds. It's a little scary moving to a new country and certainly Troy and I have had our individual moments of wondering if this was the best decision. In those moments, we could choose fear or love. And each time, when we choose love, we find such peace.
I'm focusing more on my breath and making sure I do some things each day to remember the majesty of this place, like taking Sarah and Ethan for a walk along the sea wall or a trip to the public park. The leaves are beginning to turn from gold to red and it's stunning.
I'm trying to meet some moms when I'm at the park with Ethan. I met a mom yesterday who had a beautiful daughter four months older than Ethan. She responded, "That's so cool," when I replied to her question of what I do for a living. She is a writer working on a fiction storyline where an atheist is wondering in the midst of crisis what belief means. Thinking about her storyline, it's interesting that everyone--atheist and believer--wrestle with what belief means when crisis hits. I guess that's what we share in common, even if we don't share a god.

Troy's Misc. Crap and the Sushi Restaurant Incident

2009-09-01T07:11:00.000-07:00

Here are some shots from our living room window and our solarium window. You can see that the clouds are coming in over the mountains, which happens most mornings. We are about 3 blocks from the seawall, which is a beautiful walking/jogging/biking/roller-blading path around this side of the Harbour. The other side of the Harbour is public beach. We have had a lot of fun the past couple of days, part-tourists, part-people trying to move-in to a new house. We met the moving van at customs yesterday and cleared our "used household goods." I had forgotten to bring with me the formal-typed inventory of our household goods, so the only document I had to give to the customs agent was the hand-written, first-draft version. The customs agent looked over the list, then looked up at me and said with a smile, "So clear-crate #1 contains 'Troy's Misc. Crap? Is that literal?'" My husband is not so much a pack-rat. In past moves, instead of throwing small things away, he has thrown it into one large box, taped it shut, and left it unopened. We had about 4-5 of these large misc. boxes and by the time my aunt and I repacked them, we just starting calling them "Misc. crap" boxes.

The other funny legend from our trip so far involves my dad. He is a simple man who is used to eating meat and potatoes. Vancouver is all about sushi and so is my husband. So we found a restaurant that had the menu on the window and the menu had pictures. After looking at all the pictures, Dad decided he could eat this one item, "Beef Teriyaki" from the Chinese menu. We all walk inside, the hostess shows us the table, and all of a sudden we turn and see dad bolting from the restaurant. He didn't even stop until he walked into the restaurant next door -- Wendy's -- and announced that the combination of the smell and the contents of the other people's plates almost made him lose it.

We are still laughing about that night. Okay, Troy is ready for me to focus on the arrival of the movers...gotta go.

The First Weekend

2009-08-30T20:35:00.001-07:00

We do not have the best internet set-up here yet so I don't have pictures to describe our first weekend. So let me tell you about the arrival and weekend...It's been great!!!!! Ethan immediately took to Troy and his first couple of hours with daddy he had a big case of daddy-itis, which means for the first time in a month, mommy wasn't the only person capable of holding him. Our apartment is great, not yet with furniture, but it's everything I thought it would be...19th floor with floor to ceiling windows overlooking the water and the mountains.

Dad and I tried to find a Target on Friday...no such thing as Target in Canada. We have found our way through the town to find the necessary start-up items for a new house. We will meet our movers at customs tomorrow and then have delivery of all our "stuff" on Tuesday. Life is now unfolding and beginning!

It's absolutely beautiful here. It's very pedestrian so we are adjusting to walking everywhere for everything. It's so refreshing to walk 3 blocks to the seawall and take a stroll in the morning or late evening and listen to the seagulls and waves breaking on the wall.

We did tourist-y things on Saturday and today was more about settling in to life. We did make our way to the public pool and beach this morning. A little cool but the sun is warming!

Settling in to a new home, new country, new life, new foods, new routines...it takes a lot of patience and breathing to see the beauty in each day. And I enjoy being outside my box and experiencing new aspects of myself, my spouse, my dad and Ethan. As the week unfolds and we get settled in, I will be sharing more stories and reflections of this experience.

Portland, I never knew you could remind me so much of Texas.

2009-08-26T18:53:00.000-07:00

Thanks to one of my blog readers for adjusting Ethan's red eyes in this photo...his eyes are the same color as my brother, Doug's. I discovered that after seeing Ethan and Doug side-by-side.

So I'm not going to say who picked our hotel tonight, except to say that it wasn't me. And all I have to say about the criteria for the hotel selection was that the person responsible thought that a hotel close to the racetrack in Portland would be a "nice" hotel. Here me now: we are in the armpit of Portland. There is nothing beautiful or scenic from our window and we are surrounded by abandoned shopping centers and one lonely Burger King. And, to top the view, the hotel is full of contractor's work teams. So up and down the halls are really rough men who seem to be carrying in a lot of cases of beer for the night. And, to lull us all to sleep, sounds of drag racing can be heard from our window.

Portland, I never knew you could remind me so much of Texas. Much of the drive through Oregon today has reminded me of Texas. Once we exited the mountains of northern California, it became very flat and straight and dry and dusty. With the exception of being able to see mountains on the horizon in all directions, it felt a lot like the drive between Houston and Dallas.

So our experience in this "nice" hotel tonight has led us to push on to Vancouver tomorrow. Here's hoping that we can get our immigration status in order when we get to the border and make the final drive to our new home! Despite his hotel choice, I'm really thankful to have my dad with me on this trip. It's not that often that as an adult you have the opportunity to spend time like this with a parent. I asked dad today if he missed his parents. He said that he was glad that they lived long lives and every so often he wishes he could just have a conversation with the people he remembers his parents to be. I asked him about his dad and he said that he (my dad) was probably a lot like his dad...his dad was somewhat quiet, he worked on projects around the house but he didn't really work on cars...and then my dad launched into a monologue about how cars are made so complicated today that you really can't work on them anymore.

I then asked my dad if sometimes it is hard for him to remember that I am 34-years-old. Even now, when I look at Ethan, I think I will always remember this baby boy's face even when he is 34. Dad said it is sometimes hard to remember that your children are all grown up. I appreciated that he left his comments at that point.

We've almost been on the road for 2 weeks now! Here's hoping that tomorrow takes us to Vancouver, BC!

On the road of life again

2009-08-26T04:58:00.000-07:00

It's early Wednesday morning on the mountain and it's time for our routine to begin so that we can get on the road. I have so enjoyed this unexpected stay at my brother and sister-in-law's. They are wonderful people and I enjoy spending time with them. I hope that as we are now both "West Coast People," we will see each other more.

I am so excited to get to Vancouver. I spent some time last night recalling how everything about this move has unfolded so beautifully. I can't help but to feel like this is the start of a really neat chapter in our lives.

And so, we keep pushing forward. I have appreciated those in the blog world who read my last post and shared with me their mantras for what it takes to put one foot in front of the other each day you step into this big bold thing called life.

In the end, that's what I hope I can say I've done...stepped boldly into this thing called life. So we are on the road again today with the ultimate goal being just inside the US border so that we can cross into Canada Friday morning!

He is a great teacher

2009-08-25T12:55:00.001-07:00

Ethan has been a great teacher to me on this unexpected delay in our journey. We did not intend to crash at my brother's house for a week; it happened because our moving van was delayed a week so it was easier to stay here than in an empty condo in Vancouver.
I would say that in major transitions in life, I'm a little unsteady. I have to practice all the good tools that I hold dearly in my toolbox -- staying in the moment, feeling my feet on the ground, breathing, letting go of worry and trusting in the moment.
I began to feel anxious this past Sunday morning so I engaged another tool: taking a walk. Ethan, my dad and Sarah and I took a morning walk, something we've done almost everyday here in the mountains. Since being in the mountains, when Ethan hears a dog barking, he stops and barks back by craning his neck in the air and saying "ooh-ooh." It's very cute.
On this walk, he stopped in front of a vacant field, pointed to the top of the tall pine trees, and began to say his baby word for "bird." Up until that moment, I had not noticed that the birds were rather chatty that morning. I was more consumed in my thoughts and Ethan was doing what he does best: Living in the moment. I realized that he wasn't just telling me that there were birds in the trees; he was also teaching me to remember my story...that Jesus said not to worry about my life...consider the birds in the air and the lilies of the field...if God cares for them how much more does he care for us?"
Ethan taught me to come back to this moment and to realize that there is nothing wrong with this very moment and to simply be in it.
Ethan has also taught me to love deeply. His good morning hugs and high fives and his "nap-nap" hugs and "night-night" hugs are so genuine and intentional. And the greatest of all came this morning as Ethan was walking around the kitchen saying, "Da-da." I asked him, "Where's da-da?" And Ethan got a big smile on his face, ran to my laptop as fast as he could, leaned in and planted a big kiss on the screen. You see, for the past month, "Da-da" has been the voice on the other end of the Skype-line. And Ethan loves that voice very much. I do too. We both look forward to seeing him on Friday.

Ethan and Flora do dog tricks

2009-08-25T08:29:00.000-07:00

Flora is Doug and Shelley's chocolate lab. She and Action make a great pair and they have been excellent hosts to Sarah. Ethan and Flora played a game the other day thanks to Uncle Doug's facilitation between little human and animal (see video...sorry it is a little pixelated). Also, when we are at the river at the City Park, Flora thought she found something good (top photo).

Last day on the mountain

2009-08-25T08:21:00.001-07:00

Well, we lived up to the Griswald name by staying for a long weekend on the mountain in northern California. We had a great weekend...played at 2 different lakes, went to Doug's hospital picnic, played in the kiddie pool at Uncle Doug and Aunt Shelley's house and did lots of exploring. Dad did lots of sprinkler system installation. On top of this mountain, the conditions are much like a desert, less than 10% humidity on average, very dusty and dry. Last night, I realized that I felt like one giant piece of sandpaper. Shelley laughed and said that's why there's a huge bottle of lotion in every room...you have to drink lots of water and use lots of lotion to stay hydrated around here.

Pictures from the journey:

1. Ethan playing with the dog food bowl in the kiddie pool.

2 and 3. Ethan experiencing his first lake at the Mount Lassen National Park. The water was really cold which is what you are seeing in #3. (Notice my sunglasses in #2--those got lost at the Mount Lassen park...so I hope someone else out there is enjoying them...they were brand new!)

4. Doug and Dad trying to troubleshoot the main valve on the sprinkler system.

5. Dad, Kathryn and Ethan on the morning walk. It's not the best picture of me, and Ethan's nose is snotty, but you don't get a shot that often with dad having a big smile. So we make a personal sacrifice so that you can see his great smile.

Ethan's first piano lesson

2009-08-21T19:13:00.000-07:00

Pictures from the journey

2009-08-21T14:53:00.000-07:00

So a few pictures from the journey:

1. "Shadows" -- couldn't pass up a picture of Grandpa and Ethan side-by-side at a rest stop in western Colorado.

2. "Preppy boy" -- Ethan on his last Sunday at First Church, Aug. 9.

3. "Signs" -- at a gas station in Salina, Utah.

4. "Are we there yet?" -- Sarah really ready to be in California.

5. "Down by the River" -- Uncle Doug and Ethan at the river.

The Griswolds are here

2009-08-21T13:52:00.000-07:00

We originally told my brother and sister-in-law that we might stop for a day or two and now it looks like we will be here about a week by the time we leave. So, it's official--We are The Griswold's. A delay on the mover's-end for all "our" stuff has given us a few extra days here. Doug is happy to have us stay longer as it gives my dad more time to work on Doug's sprinkler system installation.
Ethan has almost transitioned to Pacific Standard Time. The last two mornings he has slept until at least 6:30 am PST, this compared to our first morning here when he woke at 6:30 am CST. This morning, I woke before he did, took a shower, and left him sleeping in his crib with grandpa on watch. I then drove down Main Street to get a latte from the mountain coffee shop. Hallelujah!!!! Oh glorious cup of latte, oh how I have missed you since leaving Texas. I've had cups of coffee at roadside motels, but it's not the same as the glorious combination of steamed nonfat milk and espresso. Latte, I think I love you.
There's just something relaxing about holding a latte AND sitting outside on a cool mountain morning.
While holding my latte, my mind began thinking about this next ministry opportunity in Vancouver. The title is Minister of Christian Formation. It's a fabulous title because it is a question that I've been asking in new ways since Ethan has been born...what exactly does it mean to be formed as a Christian? It was Ethan's birth that really made me ask what it means to be a Christian. What am I to be teaching him? How am I to be shaping him? What are the actions that form him into a Christian? From where I sit in this world, it seems that other religions have more outward signs of their faith, either from dress, or customs, or food guidelines. There's not much of that in Christianity. There really is no outward sign that you are a Christian except that you might be at church on a Sunday morning or thinking you should be at church on a Sunday morning.
The marks of Christianity that are part of our faith are less visible and perhaps more challenging than dress, food or other customs. And, these marks are powerful. One of the lessons I've learned in the first 10 years of my ministry has to do with the powers of consumerism. I do believe consumerism and affluenza are part of the evil powers of this world, as described in our baptismal vows. Consumerism and affluenza so want us to turn inward and focus only on ourselves and the stuffing of ourselves and our space with stuff. And then, leave us in debt so we can't do anything else but keep repeating the cycle. The greatest spiritual challenge today is breaking this cycle and finding subversive ways to consume less and get rid of more. This whole experience of getting ready for this cross-country trip has left me at a point that I get to periodically...I told Troy the day before I left Texas that I was tired of buying things. And what I love about him is that he understood what I meant. Shopping--and the external pressure that I must have something or my life won't go right--exhausts me. The past 10 years has been an effort to push past what I think I need and learn to live under my means.
In this next phase of my life in Vancouver, I'm feeling called to push beyond what I buy and focus on what I eat, and how consumerism and food are connected. This was an interest of mine a few years back, and now that Troy is post-cancer treatment, it is a concern of his that we as a family eat healthier and "whole-er."
So what does it mean to be formed as a Christian? I'm really looking forward to exploring the question with this new congregation.